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Band 4.5

SOME STUDENTS GO DIRECTLY TO UNIVERSITY OR COLLEGE AFTER HIGHSCHOOL WHILE OTHERS TAKE A GAP YEAR TO WORK OR TRAVEL. DISCUSS AND SAY WHICH YOU PREFER

#students #university #college #highschool #gap #year #work #travel
WHILE THERE ARE MANY STUDENTS WHO CHOOSE GOING STRAIGHT AHEAD TO UNDERGRADUATE PROGRAM AFTER SCHOOL
TIME
, THERE ARE
ALSO
 THOSE ONES WHO WOULD RATHER MAKE A DIFFERENT CHOICE AND SPEND SOME
TIME
 GETTING INTO ANOTHER PROJECT. I WOULD DISCUSS BOTH SIDES OF THE ARGUMENT BUT I WOULD SUPPORT MY OPINION ON THE LATTER TOPIC.
FIRST
 AND FOREMOST I WOULD SAY THERE IS NO
FURTHER
 REASON TO BE IN A RUSH ABOUT UNDERGRADUATE. IT SEEMS TO BE USEFUL HAVING A
TIME
 FOCUSED IN
ANOTHER PURPOSES
Replace the adjective
ANOTHER purpose
other PURPOSES
show examples
BESIDES
 THE PROFESSIONALS CENTRAL AIMS. TO ILLUSTRATE
THIS
 POINT I COULD SAY SOMEONE WHO
CHOOSE
Change the verb form
chooses
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 SPENDING A
TIME
 IN ANOTHER COUNTRY LEARNING A
SECOND
 LANGUAGE WOULD BE GRACED WITN AN UNIQUE
OPORTUNITY
Correct your spelling
OPPORTUNITY
 . AS A CONSEQUENCE,
THIS
 PERSON WOULD FIND OUT A SPECIAL SPOT ON MARKET PLACE AFTER
THIS
 FOREIGN EXPERIENCE.
HOWEVER
Add a comma
,
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THERE ARE THOSE PEOPLE WHO CONCENTRATE EFFORTS TO CONCLUDE FASTER THEIR FORMATION. THE REASON FOR
THIS
 COULD BE FINANCIAL NEEDS. SOME PEOPLE HAVE NO MONEY SUPPORT TO INVEST TOO MUCH
TIME
 IN THEIR CAREERS AS STUDENTS AND
SEEMS
Change the verb form
seem
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 TO NEED TO HURRY UP TO GET INTO MARKET PLACE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. THE RESULT OF
THIS
 WOULD BE NO
FURTHER
 PLANS
BESIDES
 UNDERGRADUATION AND MARKET PLACE DIRECTLY. AS A CONCLUSION, I WOULD RESPECT BOTH OPINION BUT I WOULD SAY THERE IS NO SPENT
TIME
 ON LIFE WHILE ONES ARE INVESTING ON THEIR OWN PERSONAL GROWTH. AS
MUCH
Change the quantifier
many
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 UNIQUE OPPORTUNITIES ONE HAVE, AS MUCH WELL-TO-DO ONE WOULD BE TO GRAB/FIND WORK MARKET CHANCES.
Submitted by agenciabrushup on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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