Some people think personal happiness is closely related to economic success, while others believe that it depends on other factors. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people think that people who have much
money
feel happy while other people believe that there are many other elements which affect personal happiness. In my opinion
Add a comma
,
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I agree with the
second
statement On the one hand, some people believe that the happiness of people
depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
on
the
Remove the article
apply
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high income because of many reasons.
Firstly
, people can buy whatever they want. people can have a better
life
if they can buy anything they want.
for example
, you can never feel hungry if you have a lot of
money
to buy food.
Secondly
, thanks to
money
, people can develop themselves.
For example
, a student in Vietnam with a lot of
money
can go to America to learn in the best schools so that he can graduate and get a really good job with
e
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an
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ven higher salary.
On the other hand
, there is a popular thought that people feel happier that rely on other factors because of several causes. The
first
point is that family relationships are very important to everyone. Because of that, when you are in a difficult situation,
f
Add an article
the
a
show examples
amily can always help you no matter what, especially no matter how much
money
you have. The
second
point is that
time
is something that
money
can’t buy. Because nothing can buy
time
, people have to use their
time
in the best way possible.
For example
, if a person has a lot of
money
, he may spend all of his
time
playing and partying which results in wasting his whole
life
without achieving anything. Overall, many agree that
money
is the key to happiness because people can purchase anything, and they can use
m
Add an article
the
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oney to develop themselves, while other think that family and
time
are
also
important to a happy
life
. In my opinion, I think that there are many aspects
c
Add a pronoun
that
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ontribute
Verify preposition usage
to
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a happy
life
.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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