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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think the qualities a person needs to become successful in today's world cannot be learned at a university or similar academic institution.To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#people #qualities #person #world #university #institution
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Some people are of the opinion that the assets of a successful person cannot be
gotten
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obtained
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 from curriculums in casual universities or indifferent courses.
While
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 it is true that there are lots of qualities a pupil cannot learn from schools, I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement, mostly because of the lectures and the other
skills
Use synonyms
 that schools probably provide to students. On the
first
Correct word choice
other
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 hand, there is a myriad of arguments in favour of my stance. The most conspicuous one is that students are able to broaden their knowledge via lessons, which definitely contributes to
the
Change the word
their
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 performance in their career path.
For instance
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, jobs are in a specific field
such
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 as medicine, general practitioners have to know proper methods to diagnose
as well as
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 cure diseases. If there are not those lectures, there will be a deterrent for a person to have fundamental qualities to pursue any occupation.
Therefore
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, it seems to be impossible to meet the demand of being skilful for those who do not include them in training because it truly helps them have a base in a field.
Furthermore
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, another pivotal aspect of the reasons I disagree with some of the public’s
perspective
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perspectives
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 is that pupils can learn a bunch of
skills
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 apart from academic lessons. In recent years, every university
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 considered
as
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apply
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a building block of society
while
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 most activities are carried on there.
In particular
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, joining certain clubs
does
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helps
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 not only
help
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apply
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participants gain their social
skills
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 but
also
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political
Correct pronoun usage
their political
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skills
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.
Besides
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, every single project of any organization is possibly a chance for members to show abilities,
fortes
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and fortes
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,
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also
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and also
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 an occasion to practice before applying those in actual life. In order words, practice makes perfect,
which
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and
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 most
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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successful models should say
thank
Correct subject-verb agreement
thanks
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 to their
colleges
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colleagues
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. In conclusion,
base
Wrong verb form
based
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 on all the arguments outlined above, I can conclude that the benefits of academic institutions are too great to ignore. From my perspective, in order to reach an accomplishment in life, people can
also
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 learn from what they are taught in schools.
Submitted by Andy on

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task response
Improve the clarity and depth of your arguments to ensure a complete response to the task question.
coherence cohesion
Use more cohesive devices such as linking words and transition phrases to improve the flow and logical structure of your essay.
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