IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Today large shopping malls and super markets are more common than small local shops. is this a negative or positive development?

Nowadays, small
shops
Use synonyms
 have been becoming less popular
due to
Linking Words
 the increase in the number of supermarkets and shopping malls. The modern trend of shopping is definitely a positive development as a buyer cannot only save
time
Use synonyms
 by shopping from one place but
also
Linking Words
cost-effective
Add a missing verb
be cost-effective
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 and easily approachable.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the aforementioned aspects in the subsequent paragraphs. On the
first
Correct word choice
other
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 hand, superstores and large shopping plazas help people
to
Verb problem
apply
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save
time
Use synonyms
 during shopping. To clarify, when an individual visits different local
shops
Use synonyms
 to buy essential products
Linking Words
then
Rephrase
apply
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it takes
time
Use synonyms
 because a buyer has to travel to several places as it is not possible for small sellers to keep everything in their stores
whereas
Linking Words
,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, supermarket provides facilities to shop all essential products under the same roof.
For example
Linking Words
, an article published in 2019, in The Daily News, America, stated that 90% of Americans prefer to shop from big stores as it saves
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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time
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, transportation is always a major concern during shopping. To elaborate, it is an arduous task to visit different
shops
Use synonyms
 at different locations to complete their shopping
whereas
Linking Words
, the trains and bus stations are easily available near shopping centres to make shopping easy. To exemplify, in Sydney, Australia, there is at least one tram station near every central business district.
In addition
Linking Words
, cost
also
Linking Words
 plays a vital role in every aspect of life. To explain,
as
Change preposition
apply
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supermarkets and other huge shopping stores have more items in stock
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which their prices are comparatively
less
Correct word choice
lower
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 than local
shop keepers
Correct your spelling
shopkeepers
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 which favour buyers to save a massive amount of money.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey conducted by
trade
Correct article usage
the trade
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 organization of Pakistan in 2018, on 500 people/local buyers revealed that prices of products in local
retailers
Replace the word
retail
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shops
Use synonyms
 are 40% higher as compared to the supermarket prices. In conclusion, it can be concluded that
although
Linking Words
 the development of big shopping centres and other supermarkets have replaced a number of local
shops
Use synonyms
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 is a positive development because it has made
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life easy in terms of not only saving
time
Use synonyms
 and money but
also
Linking Words
 easy commutation.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph is clearly linked to the main topic and purpose of the essay. Make sure to use connecting words and phrases to maintain coherence and cohesion throughout the essay.
task achievement
Include more detailed and specific examples to support your ideas. It's important to provide evidence that directly relates to your arguments and supports your stance on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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