Growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent you agree or disagree?

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The modern world is
e
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the
an
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ra of fast food. The number of people
are
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is
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getting overweight are
increase
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increasing
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. Due to
this
Linking Words
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,
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some might believe that
,
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apply
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it increases a health issue connected
overwight
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overweight
overnight
, does putting
s
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a
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train on the health care. The one group positive about
introduce
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introducing
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more physical
education
Use synonyms
lessons in
school
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curriculum would be
g
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a
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ood decision to deal with
this
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. I agree with the point of view of them.
To begin
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with
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,
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comparing past
education
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system and present
education
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system. It seems
b
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to
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e pointed in the past,
education
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are
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is
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not surrounded
with
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by
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s
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the
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tudy. There are many life lesson and occupation
was teach
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was teaching
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to survive into
f
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the
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uture. One of the
survay
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survey
says that
,
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apply
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because of that people are more confident and physically fit.
For instance
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, In
m
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a
the
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edieval era of
india
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India
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, student
are learn
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learns
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how to do agriculture and how to make tools with proper
education
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. Because of
this
Linking Words
Add a comma
,
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there are physically strong and healthy.
Secondly
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, the japan is famous for slim and trim people into
w
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the
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orld. The reason behind it, in the
school
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, student
are
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is
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responsible to stay
school
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area neat and clean. Due to
this
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, there are adapt to nature to work hard to keep
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surrounding
s
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the
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urronding area clean.
Futheremore
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Furthermore
, Students
mind
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minds
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are like blank paper. It would be developed as you craft and if
Use synonyms
s
Add an article
the
a
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chool has more physically active there are more people
a
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who
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re getting active with them. On other hand, there are not fully get advantaged that physical
education
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would be total to neglect the problem of overweight. There are many
area
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areas
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should be improved to get overweight people population in control. In a nutshell,
School
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are
Change the verb form
is
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playing
v
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a
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ital role
on
Verify preposition usage
in
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personal lives and how the character would be developed and the person thinking. That might be
g
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a
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reat idea to put into
education
Use synonyms
curriculum
,
Remove the comma
apply
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when it could be connected with persons developed into
f
Add an article
the
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uture.
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity rates
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • instill
  • long term
  • raise awareness
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • nutritional education
  • active transport
  • quality of instruction
  • facilities and equipment
  • diet control initiatives
  • community sports programs
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