In some countries an average employee is legally obliged to retire at the age of 55 or 60, while in others, like Japan, people can work until they are physically and mentally fit to perform duties. what is the system prevailing in your country? until what age should people be allowed to countinue in salaried jobs. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

The
retirement
age
differs from one country to another
due to
multiple social and governmental factors. Some nations have higher numbers of older individuals and a lower rate of birth
whereas
other nations have the opposite, with most of the
nation
being younger than thirty.
Also
, in some cultures, it is socially frowned upon to stop working or to be lazy. In
this
essay, I will the
retirement
laws in Saudi Arabia and I will give my opinion. 40
years
ago, the population in Saudi Arabia was around 15 million citizens where two-thirds of the
nation
was under the
age
of thirty and the average birth rate was five children per family.
Also
, the life expectancy was around 65. It was expected that the population would have more younger individuals who would need jobs, so the
age
of
retirement
was set at the
age
of sixty or after thirty
years
of service and they would receive a full salary pension. Some jobs were an exception,
such
as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
health-related occupations
due to
a shortage of staff who could file a request to postpone their
retirement
for more than five or ten
years
. Today, the life expectancy of an individual has increased in Saudi Arabia
while
the birth rate dropped and the cost of living increased. So, in forty
years
we will have an older
nation
with fewer young people. It will not be possible to give the older generation the same pensions their parents received in the past. For that reason, the government proposed plans to increase the
age
of
retirement
and change the pension system. To illustrate, today the
retirement
age
is pushed back to forty
years
of service with possible extension if the individual was found to be physically and mentally fit. In conclusion, laws and regulations in each country should be implemented in a way to serves the citizens and adapts to the changes in the structure of their
nation
and
retirement
laws are no exception to
this
rule. Each era has different challenges and struggles that require some changes and adaptation.
Submitted by ghadeersulami on

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Task Achievement
Ensure that you address all parts of the task prompt. Discuss both the system in your country and your personal view on the ideal retirement age. Your essay mainly focuses on the situation in Saudi Arabia without enough emphasis on your personal opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on presenting ideas more clearly and in a logical sequence. Some parts of the essay could be more coherently linked to improve flow. Consider using a variety of linking words to emphasize connections between ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have effectively used an introduction and conclusion to give a clear structure to your essay, which helps guide the reader through your arguments.
Task Achievement
The essay includes relevant examples from your country, which supports the main points effectively. This adds depth and context to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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