IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
A drastic increase in the number of individuals who do not get enough
time
 to
peform
Correct your spelling
perform
 some
exercise
 due to their workaholic schedule has sparked the controversy about its impact on their
health
. I can
attrubute
Correct your spelling
attribute
this
 issue to a number of factors. In
this
 essay, I will present an overview of these reasons and suggest potential solutions. There are a number of factors associated
to
Verify preposition usage
with
show examples
 the lack of
time
 to do
exercise
 by working people. The most telling one lies in the fact that they have work pressure. Not only, do they have to devote most of
t
Add an article
the
show examples
ime of weekdays to their professional career if they wish to get successful, but
such
 individuals
also
 have to look after their family during weekends along with handling household chores
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
As a result
, they are left with no
time
 to do some fitness work.
Besides
, technological advancements might
also
 play a key role in distracting people to spend their leisure
time
 on using modern gadgets like tablets and play-stations rather than devoting some
time
 to look after their
health
 and meditate. Resultantly, they have to face serious
health
 hazards.
Nevertheless
, there are several solutions to address the issue of getting
time
 to do
exercise
 to keep body disease-free and fit, which will only deteriorate without an infusion of revised measures and policies. Primarily, fitness programmes for the employees should be organised on regular basis by the companies and
also
 encourage them to take part in
such
 activities.
This
 single step has
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 potential to yield some positive results, as far as physical and mental fitness of workers is concerned.
In addition
, job oriented individuals should
also
 spend some
time
 of the weekends on
exercise
 than playing video games and other
health
 prone activities so as to protect
b
Add an article
the
show examples
ody from certain diseases like fatigue and eye-sight.
Last
 but not least, it is the responsibility of
govenment
Correct your spelling
government
also
 that authorities should make people aware
about
Verify preposition usage
of
show examples
 the importance of yoga and other physical activities which can contribute to lead a healthy and better life. It is,
however
, important to note that if we
want
Correct your spelling
won't
show examples
Add the particle
to
show examples
see any concrete and tangible outcome, convergent efforts from all the sectors, be it public or private, needed to be
essured
Correct your spelling
assured
ensured
. Only
then
 can we expect these aforementioned actions could bear some fruit and produce sustainable results sooner than later. Given the potential impacts of the given menace, until we develop a more nuanced approach, which success in coping with
this
 problem is contingent on, all our efforts will go awry, if not in vain.
Submitted by kirandeepkang1992 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
What to do next:
Look at other essays: