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Band 3.5

many university degree holders cannot find a job in their chosen profession. what factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, should be done about it ?

#university #holders #job #profession #factors #situation
The COVID situation has affected businesses worldwide.
However
, It has become an increasing phenomenon for graduates to secure employment in their chosen field. There are various factors that bring forth
this
 unconventional situation. The 2 main key factors that play a significant role in
this
 scenario. It is quite often that parents of said students decide which profession their children must pursue regardless of its scope and opportunity. Parents tend to completely disregard their children's strengths and capabilities and suggest general professions that the student might not have the passion or aptitude for.
For example
 in India, It is quite stereotypical for
biys
Correct your spelling
boys
 to become engineers and girls to become doctors.
Secondly
, The increasing population rates have made securing employment quite a challenging task. The cut-off rates for acceptance
increases
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
 year upon year to ensure only the brightest and best of students avail
such
 opportunities.
This
 leaves out everyone else who missed it by a mark or two. In my opinion
Add a comma
,
show examples
I personally believe that government needs to educate parents on deciding their children's fate based on their passion and capabilities whilst making significant changes within the system to ensure harmony between jobs created and graduates available.
Submitted by ehte477 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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