IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Every year, an increasing number of people suffer from fast food related diseases. The government, therefore, should impose a high tax on fast food. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In different parts of the world, it is reported that there is a constant rise in the number of cases related to fast
food
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.
While
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 I am of the opinion that the government should issue a heavy
tax
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 on
this
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 type of
food
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, I
also
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 argue that other options could be taken to deal with
this
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 situation. On the one hand,
fast
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fast-food
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food
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 restaurant chains have to pay a higher
tax
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 compared to other businesses. The first reason is that
this
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 is considered an effective approach to control the establishment of fast
food
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 stores. Specifically, a higher
tax
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 payment means that fast
food
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 owners are unlikely to earn much profit from their businesses.
In addition
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, governments can use the amount of money collected to fund
health
Correct article usage
the health
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 care system as
a
Remove the article
apply
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compensation to those suffering from fast
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food related
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food-related
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 diseases, which could help reduce
financial
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the financial
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 burden when they are in hospital.
On the other hand
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, there are other alternatives that could be taken into account. One possible solution is that governments are advised to organise health campaigns to raise people’s awareness of the negative impacts that fast
food
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 may cause.
For example
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, the high volume of sugar, salt and fat in French fries, hamburgers or fried chicken will probably lead to high cholesterol or even diabetes. More importantly, there should be strict rules and regulations on
food
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 manufacturing in order to ensure the origin of ingredients
as well as
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 approved nutrients before reaching customers. In conclusion,
in addition
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 to changing
tax
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 policy, it is necessary for governments to draw the attention of customers and put fast
food
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 restaurants under control to protect
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public health.

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task achievement
Ensure all main points are clearly supported with specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures to improve engagement and fluidity in your writing.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence to guide the reader on what to expect.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion and gives an overview of your arguments.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, which shows your ability to consider multiple perspectives.
coherence and cohesion
The organization of ideas is mostly logical, making it easy for the reader to follow your points.
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