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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The percentage of overweight children in the western society has increased by almost 20% in the last ten years.Discuss the causes and effect of this disturbing trend.

#percentage #children #society #ten #years #effect #trend
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Nowadays, it has been observed that the number of overweight
children
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 is increasing. The percentage of overweight
children
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 has increased by 20% in the
last
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 year.
This
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 essay will discuss the causes and effects of
this
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 problem. I believe there are 2 major factors which are responsible for
this
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 problem.
Firstly
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, an unhealthy lifestyle plays a key role in increasing the weight of a child. If a person sits ideally without participating in any outdoor activities, there is no chance for him to burn calories which leads them to gain weight.
Secondly
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, the consumption of unhealthy food
also
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 results in gaining weight. People tend to have a bite of junk food
such
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 as chips and chocolate very frequently which slowly deteriorates our health.
For example
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, a survey has shown that 68% of people eat junk food on a daily basis. There are quite a few negative effects of being more
weighed
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weighted
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. Primarily, it leads to obesity which is a serious threat to health. It has been noticed that it is very difficult to recover from obesity.
Moreover
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, it makes you feel tired consistently. There is a lack of efficiency in completing any tasks.
There
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This
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 is a great waste of energy.
According to
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 a recent survey, 56% of
the
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apply
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children
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 who weigh above 70
kgs
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kg
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 find it extremely difficult to complete simple tasks in their everyday
life
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lives
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. In conclusion,
children
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 should try their best to be healthy and participate in outdoor activities.
This
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 would help them to live a very long life.
Submitted by ehte477 on

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task response
Task response: The essay addresses the causes and effects of the increase in overweight children, but the discussion lacks depth and complexity. More specific examples and analysis are needed to fully address the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The logical structure of the essay is somewhat clear, but the introduction and conclusion could be more developed to provide a stronger framework for the essay. Additionally, the essay could benefit from clearer transitions and connections between ideas to improve coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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