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Band 4

Compared to the past, more younger adults take medications for degenerative diseases. Provide specific reasons and examples to support your answer

#adults #medications #diseases #support
Ancient days people used to have a stronger
immunity
Replace the word
immune
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 system when compared to
Correct your spelling
today's
todays
Change to a genitive case
today's
show examples
 generation. People in the earlier years used to
with hold
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withhold
show examples
 any kind of deadliest disease
where as
Correct your spelling
whereas
show examples
now-a-days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
 they are ending up their life even with the same viruses. In
this
 essay
Add a comma
,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will compare
on
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
both the generations and give the specific reasons for it. On one hand, in the 18th
centruy
Correct your spelling
century
 people used to participate in
many
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any
show examples
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
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 of physical
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
 which
inturn
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in turn
show examples
 makes their
body
 physically fit and stronger.
This
 generation
Verify preposition usage
of
show examples
people are much more dependent on technology rather than taking
Correct your spelling
physical
p
Add an article
the
a
show examples
hyscial part.
For instance
, in the olden days for our
ancistors
Correct your spelling
ancestors
 to travel from one location to another their only source of transport was walking, but today it is different. They use
motor bikes
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motorbikes
show examples
, cars or public transport. By doing
this
,
thier
Correct your spelling
their
the
they
body
 becomes less immunity and their
body
 gets attacked with diseases which
inturn
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in turn
show examples
 leads to medication.
On the other hand
, the consumption of food
also
palys
Correct your spelling
plays
 a vital role in human
body
 development. Taking the right food in
r
Add an article
the
show examples
ight amount helps the system function
proper
Replace the word
properly
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 rather than taking unhealthy stuff.
For example
, there was a virus introduced in China called corona and which is easily spreadable from person to person. But the studies state that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 majority of the people
effected
Correct your spelling
affected
show examples
 with
these disease
Change the determiner
this disease
these diseases
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 are the old aged,
this
 is because of the immunity levels very low. Even today the youngsters are taking the medications for
this
degenrative
Correct your spelling
degenerative
 disease as their function and
metabolisom
Correct your spelling
metabolism
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 low when compared to the past generation. Concluding
this
, I specify that due to the lack of physical
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
 and the intake of food are the main factors for the adults to take the medication for the degenerative diseases.
Submitted by yashgrabs2 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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