Some people think governments should care more about elderly while others think they should focus on investing in education for younger people. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Many argue that there should be higher financial support for the elderly because it is a way of giving back for their services.
While others
, with an opposing view, Correct word choice
Others
debate
that it should be allocated primarily Verb problem
argue
on
the education of the younger population as they serve as the hope of the future generation. In my opinion, both populations should have adequate attention Change preposition
to
in
which I will discuss in detail in the following essay.
To provide a larger budget for older people is like paying back for their services when they were Change preposition
apply
on
their youth. It is because of their hard work, intellectual inputs and investments Change preposition
in
why
the current generation enjoys today's luxuries or Correct word choice
that
advance
technologies they have at present. Because of their old age, with their Wrong verb form
advanced
weaken
strength, they are not able to hold jobs and earn anymore, Replace the word
weakened
that is
why it is essential that the government ensure their wellbeing
. Correct your spelling
well-being
For instance
, the national health insurance in the Philippines makes sure that all their senior citizens are presently benefiting from free hospitalizations and check-ups which was previously of charge.
However
, education for the youngs
needs adequate funding as well. The knowledge and skills that the greater youth will gather in Correct your spelling
young
current
time will have an impact in the futureCorrect article usage
the current
ahead
. They will be the Rephrase
apply
one
who will run a nation or the world Correct pronoun usage
ones
in
a larger scale, and it is in their governance and leadership how the coming years will unfold, Change preposition
on
either
it will be progressive or stagnant. Correct word choice
whether
For instance
, most Southeast Asian countries years back lack educational support and that is
why most of these lands remain to be
third-world countriesVerb problem
apply
evident
by a poor economy.
In conclusion, in my perspective, honouring the previous efforts and sacrifices of our elderly by means of providing more care is essential. Replace the word
evidenced
Nonetheless
, investing for
their younger counterparts' education is of levelled importance for the youth are the hope of the future. Both sectors should have a fair piece of the pie.Change preposition
in
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task response
Ensure that the essay directly addresses the prompt by providing a balanced discussion of both views and providing a clear opinion.
coherence cohesion
Improve the transition between paragraphs to create a more cohesive flow of ideas throughout the essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite