IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

In some countries, it is common for women to participate in the workforce when their children are young. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#countries #women #workforce #children
In a current day and age, as the cost of living has increased, it is necessary for both male and female to earn to run the family. In some countries, it is not seen to a large extent, whereas in other countries, it has become common for women to go out to work while their children are young. In the current essay, I would discuss the pros and cons of
this
 statement. To commence with, there are a plethora of advantages if the females attend the workforce after their kids start their primary or secondary education.
Firstly
, some women who are forced to rest until that time, feel
this
 opportunity as a boon to continue their career.
Hence
, their ambitions continue.
Secondly
, they feel proud of supporting their family for the new expenses arising due to additional school fees.
For example
, educational institutions are increasing their fee every two years in some countries,
this
 burden can be reduced if women are
also
 generating income.
Thirdly
, they will be able to know the outer world and
hence
 update their children
accordingly
. As every garden has weeds, there follows a disadvantages list. To start with , looking after the office and home perhaps make the Moms feel stressed which may result in many health disorders to them.
Additionally
, due to hectic work schedules, these working females may lose control of their children resulting in quarrels all the time at home.
For example
, these kids can get in touch with bad friendships which will be opposed by parents and
hence
 leads to a discussion. To conclude, in
this
 essay the advantages of ladies coming into the workforce when their children are young overtakes the disadvantages.
Submitted by Sri on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: