IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

During a recent plane journey, you sat next to a businessman who owns a chain of restaurants. You talked to him and he suggested that you should contact him about a possible job in one of his restaurants. Write a letter to this businessman. In your letter •Remained him when and where you met •Tell him what kind of job you are interested in •Say why you think you would be suitable for the job

Dear manager of the Burger King chain restaurants, Mr. Brown, Hello, I hope
this
Linking Words
 message finds you well. I am Reza Ghorbani. I am writing to you regarding your suggestion about a possible vacancy to work in one of your restaurants. You and I were on the flight from New York to Chicago two weeks ago, and I was your fellow traveller who had sat next to you in the aeroplane. During that flight, you offered me a well-paid job regarding a manager position in one of your restaurants in New York, and I welcomed your suggestion because of my abilities, experience and interest in managing. Inasmuch I have studied management at university, and I have the experience of working as a manager in one of the KFC branches for two years, I think I could be suitable for the position you offered me in
such
Linking Words
 a way that I can put my knowledge and experience into practice, and not only can I increase the sale rate of your New York branch restaurant, but
also
Linking Words
 I can make you gain more profit.
Besides
Linking Words
, I am a patient person who is renowned for behaving personnel in a friendly and efficient manner. I am highly thankful that you spent time reading my letter, and I am looking forward to hearing from you as soon as possible. Best regards, Reza Ghrobani

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one idea. This helps the reader follow your message easily.
task achievement
Be more specific about your skills and how they will help the business. This will strengthen your case for the job.
task achievement
The letter has a polite tone and ends well, which is important in formal writing.
task achievement
You included your previous experience, which shows you are qualified for the role.

Structure your letter

A letter needs to be written using a proper format, including the following:

  • A greeting (Dear sir/madam, Dear John, Dear Mr. Smith)
  • The main body (consisting of paragraphs for each part of the letter)
  • A closing (Yours sincerely, Yours faithfully, Best wishes, Kind regards, Love)

When writing a letter as part of the IELTS General Training Writing Task 1, it is important to include the bullet points presented to you in the question.

All three bullet points need to be presented. And remember that some bullet points contain more than one element. So, make sure to watch for ‘and’ and plurals.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: