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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

More and more people move away from family and friends for working. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?

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In today’s world, the trend of pursuing careers in different cities or countries from family and
friends
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 has increased.
While
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this
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 phenomenon has its benefits and drawbacks, I believe that the advantages do outweigh the disadvantages. On the positive side, I contend that working away from the support system,
such
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 as parents, best
friends
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, and siblings,
is
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plays
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 a key role in being independent. Living alone for building careers improves individuals’ ability to manage finances and build survival skills, which are important in personal development.
For instance
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, individuals credit their decision to migrate for work as a significant factor in their saving and cooking abilities. At the same time, job opportunities in metropolitan cities or developed countries are more massive than in rural areas.
For example
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, one of the renowned cities, Jakarta, offers a variety of jobs in various fields, from fresh graduates to those who are experienced.
That is
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 why many people decide to move from their hometown, leaving their comfort zone, to get more chances for their careers. On the negative side, since they live far from their home and alone, homesickness cannot be avoided.
This
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 is particularly true, especially for those who are living alone for the first time, as they shoulder the responsibility of providing for their
owns
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own
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.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 determination involves individuals losing their special moments with family or
friends
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,
such
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 as birthdays of their cousins, relatives’ wedding parties, or even news from their close
friends
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. In
this
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 case,
this
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 trend makes some people have to give up their activities with their support systems. In conclusion, having analysed both the merits and demerits, I believe that we gain more beneficial impact rather than the disadvantages from working away from
friends
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 and families.

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coherence and cohesion
Use transition words and phrases to help guide the reader through your ideas. Words like 'however', 'furthermore', and 'for example' can improve the flow.
task achievement
Expand on your main ideas with more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments and make your points more compelling.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic, stating that advantages outweigh disadvantages, which helps frame your argument throughout the text.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with distinct paragraphs for the introduction, positive, and negative aspects of the topic, which enhances readability.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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