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Writing Samples
Band 4

The number of students studying science at university is constantly declining. What do you think are the causes? What effects will this have on our society?

It is undeniable that
university
Correct article usage
a university
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education
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 is fundamental to
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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students
Use synonyms
.
However
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,
since
Change preposition
in
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 the
last
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 few years, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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 a significant decrease in the count of
students
Use synonyms
 who study in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 medical field. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss the reasons behind the massive shift including
high paying
Add a hyphen
high-paying
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education
Use synonyms
 and difficulties
to secure
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in securing
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 a job,
along with
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 its negative implications for society. The pivotal factors that are responsible for a decline
such
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 as expensive
education
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 and job insecurity. It is seen that in order to pursue the M.B.B.S degree one
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
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 to pay higher fees which is a herculean task for the vast majority of
students
Use synonyms
.
Also
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, sometimes degree holders have to face immense difficulties in order to secure good job positions because employment demands reference and previous experience.
As a result
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,
students
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 get disappointed and alleviate their admission
in
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to
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 a
science
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 stream.
For example
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, a student with
fresh
Correct article usage
a fresh
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 doctorate degree
denied
Add a missing verb
is denied
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 by the
hospitals
Fix the agreement mistake
hospital
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due to
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 lack of experience.
Thus
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,
above-mentioned
Correct article usage
the above-mentioned
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 are the causes for a change. The trend could bring some potential cons to the community.
Firstly
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, the incessant drop of
students
Use synonyms
 in the medical stream could lead towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
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far worse outcomes because there will be a decrease in the number of scientists, doctors, nurses,
Use synonyms
science
Correct word choice
and science
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 educators,
then
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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several positions will be vacant in the hospitals and people have to wait for a longer time for the treatment. The situation could put people's lives at risk.
Secondly
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, the government of our country needs to hire
the
Correct article usage
apply
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science
Use synonyms
 experts from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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different nations, which will affect the economic structure of our country, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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doctors and teachers from other countries will charge high
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
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.
For instance
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, the investigators of NASA are in high demand and quite expensive for another country.
Overall
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, our society will face
the
Correct article usage
apply
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problems
due to
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 the inclination of the
science
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 group in the universities.
To conclude
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, people's preferences have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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changed these days as only a few
students
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 opt to study
science
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 for higher
education
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. The essay has discussed why it is happening and its effects
for
Change preposition
on
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 the individual as a whole are myriad, which needs to be addressed to keep the number of
science
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 constant.

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coherence cohesion
The introduction is not clearly focused on the task question, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points of the essay. The logical structure is weak, and the essay lacks coherence and cohesion.
task response
The essay partially responds to the task question. It discusses the causes and effects of the decline in the number of science students at university, but the discussion lacks depth and thoroughness. More specific examples and comprehensive ideas are needed to fully address the task.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • perceive
  • challenging
  • demanding
  • humanities
  • exposure
  • discourage
  • financial incentives
  • shortage
  • skilled professionals
  • technological progress
  • innovation
  • economic growth
  • global challenges
  • scientific literacy
  • informed decisions
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