IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends, and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.

#people #factors #child’s #development #television #friends #music
Nowadays, technology has a great influence on every individual irrespective of their ages. It is generally accepted that television, music and friends have a great impact on the child's growth.
On the other hand
, few opine that the family remains an incumbent part in children's development. In my opinion, both of them affect children's growth. In an era where parents are busy in earning money for the betterment of children, the technology, as well as friends, plays an imperative role in a child's life. Children often spend much time with friends and electronic gadgets due to the lack of time provided by their parents. It is often noticed that today's adolescent try to mimic celebrities and cartoons by incubating their habits by watching movies.
Additionally
, a plethora of children
disobey
Change the verb form
disobeys
show examples
 their parents by making themselves indulged into television and music.
Further
, friend circle
also
 plays a major role to impact the behaviour of children.
However
, most of the children try to copy their parents and family, as they tend to see them daily at home. Children are innocent and they to copy the behaviour of the people in their surroundings.
For instance
, they learn the similar language of their parents.
Moreover
, parents assist the children to walk and take decisions of their life, which he can not learn by watching television. To conclude, technology and friends have a great influence on children's growth compared to parents. If family tend to spend less time with their children,
this
 can impact the children mentality as well as his behaviour.
Hence
, parents should realize
this
 and try to balance their professional and personal life in bringing up their children.
Submitted by Asad Khan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: