IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays people get married and have kids in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Do you agree or disagree that this trend will benefit society?

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In society, it is a common argument
when
Correct word choice
that
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people
Use synonyms
 should get married. These days couples tend to get married in their 30
’s
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 and raise kids in
mid-’30s
Correct pronoun usage
their mid-’30s
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 rather than in their 20
’s
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. I will explain how
this
Linking Words
 is beneficial to the community throughout
this
Linking Words
 essay. Getting married in the
thirties
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 is a good decision because
people
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 will be financially stable. Most of the
people
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 will have a certain income and a stable job in their
thirties
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 than their twenties. Parents have enough money to spend on their
children
Change noun form
children's
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 education, health and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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needs.
For example
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, because parents
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 afford proper education
to
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for
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 their kids there will be
well-educated
Add an article
the well-educated
a well-educated
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 generation to take over the country after another 20 to 25 years.
Thus
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, getting married and settling down after the
thirties
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 is still a wise choice because they will have enough money to fulfil the needs of their little ones.
On the other hand
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, getting
settle
Wrong verb form
settled
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 down in their
20
Change noun form
20s
show examples
’s
Use synonyms
 could go wrong because they are not mature enough and could end up getting divorced.
People
Use synonyms
 are lack of experience when they are young. It might be hard to understand each other at a young age. There will be a significant increase in separation cases in society.
For instance
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, a survey done in India
last
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 year found
out
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apply
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that 60% of divorced
couple
Fix the agreement mistake
couples
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 married in their
20
Change noun form
20s
show examples
’s
Use synonyms
.
Hence
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, it is still fine to get married in the
thirties
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 because of their maturity there will be fewer divorce cases in society.
To sum up
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, it is a wise choice to settle down and raise kids in
Use synonyms
thirties
Correct pronoun usage
their thirties
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 because couples will be financially stable to educate their children
as well as
Linking Words
 mature enough to understand each other and

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coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your ideas by using clearer linking phrases between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
Ensure that every point made is fully developed with detailed examples and explanations to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Work on grammar and sentence structure to reduce minor errors in your writing. This will help with overall clarity and professionalism.
task achievement
Excellent introduction that clearly outlines the argument you aim to present.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided, showing an attempt to back up claims with real-world data.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • emotional maturity
  • secure upbringing
  • career prospects
  • education and career development
  • lifetime earnings
  • job satisfaction
  • health outcomes
  • demographic shift
  • population growth
  • ageing population
  • parental preparedness
  • responsibilities of parenting
  • modern healthcare
  • capable of having healthy pregnancies
  • balancing population growth
  • establish careers
  • save money
  • healthier relationships
  • better parenting
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