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Band 4.5

In some countries, the role of a mother differs in some ways from the role of a father. Why do you think these differences exist? How might parental roles develop in the future?

#countries #role #mother #father #differences #roles #future
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Father
Fix the agreement mistake
Fathers
show examples
 and
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
show examples
are playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
 equally essential
roles
Use synonyms
 in the process of their
children
Use synonyms
's growing up.
However
Linking Words
, in some countries, their importance and responsibilities are quite different. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will analyse the reasons and discuss the possible changes of their
roles
Use synonyms
 in the future. There are several reasons for the difference of father and mother in some countries
due to
Linking Words
 their traditional societal structure. On the one hand, in some countries, men are carrying on the responsibility as
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 breadwinner of a family. Their main tasks are supporting
family
Add an article
the family
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 financially.
As a consequence
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, in most
cases
Add a comma
cases,
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 they are outside and their time
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
 with
children
Use synonyms
 is limited.
On the other hand
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, in those
areas
Add a comma
areas,
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 women's role is working as housewives and some of them are even deprived
from
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 working outside. So they spend much more time educating their
children
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 and have a closer sensational relationship
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their offspring than
fathers
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.
However
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,
this
Linking Words
 imbalanced family relationship structure is harmful
Change preposition
to
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
Use synonyms
's physical and
mental
Change the adjective
mentally
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healthy
Replace the word
health
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 on their way
Change preposition
to
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
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 growing up. Fortunately, with the process of feminism and gender equality, an
inceasing
Correct your spelling
increasing
 number of
mothers
Use synonyms
 begin to work and carry on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial
supporting
Replace the word
support
show examples
while
Linking Words
 more
fathers
Use synonyms
 have more time and opportunities to accompany
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
children
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 is definitely a positive trend.
Fathers
Use synonyms
 can bring bravery, powerfulness and broader horizons to their
children
Use synonyms
 which cannot be provided by most
mothers
Use synonyms
. With
fathers
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' education,
children
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's
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
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 will
development
Replace the word
develop
show examples
 more completely. On the flip side, in the future
mothers
Use synonyms
 will concentrate more on
children
Use synonyms
's delicate care, which can make their
children
Use synonyms
's daily care
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 a higher quality.
Therefore
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,
although
Linking Words
 their educational
roles
Use synonyms
 are not the same in detail, they will shoulder equal responsibilities together for their
children
Use synonyms
's better development. In conclusion, the different
roles
Use synonyms
 in parenting result from some traditional and historical reasons. But in the future with the development of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and people's change of view,
Use synonyms
fathers
Change noun form
fathers'
father's
show examples
 and
mothers
Use synonyms
'
responsibilitie
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
responsibility
 will develop as well.
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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses the topic of parental roles but lacks depth in its analysis of the reasons for the differences. Ensure to provide a more thorough exploration of the reasons, considering social, cultural, and historical factors.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay displays a clear introduction and conclusion, but the development of ideas lacks coherence and clarity. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas more effectively and provide a clearer progression of discussion points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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