IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that in order to produce a happy society, it is necessary to ensure that there is only a small difference between the earnings of the richest and poorest. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #society #difference #earnings
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It is believed that only a tiny gap in income between
of
Change preposition
apply
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wealth
Replace the word
wealthy
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people
Use synonyms
 and poor ones makes humans
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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happier. I would argue
this
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 opinion
due to
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 the fact that it will increase an economic disbalance in the world and
also
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 being fully content with life
not
Add a missing verb
does not
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 always relate to
money
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. In my opinion,
happiness
Use synonyms
 is not determined only
with
Change preposition
by
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 the quantity of
money
Use synonyms
 a
person
Use synonyms
 possesses. It means that
money
Use synonyms
 is in most cases a
mean
Fix the agreement mistake
means
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 to an end, but not the method of being happy. Individuals feel
a
Correct article usage
apply
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pleasure
pursuing
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in pursuing
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 goals, going through the whole process of achieving dreams and
as a
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result
Add a comma
result,
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 experiencing a feeling of
happiness
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.
For instance
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, from my own
experience
Add a comma
experience,
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 I have always felt on cloud 9 when I have been accomplishing my goals, especially
long-terms
Correct your spelling
long-term
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,
as
Correct quantifier usage
such as
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 entering
university
Correct article usage
a university
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 in France. That feeling gave me
the
Correct article usage
apply
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harmony and I felt so balanced and happy, which was not about my financial status.
Thus
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, it
is
Verb problem
has
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 nothing to do with
money
Use synonyms
, no matter at what level class a
person
Use synonyms
 is, the richest or the poorest The other thing about the correlation between making enough
money
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 and being happy is that it completely does not make any sense
,
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apply
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 if no one can support actions a
person
Use synonyms
 does towards being happy.
Therefore
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,
closest
Correct article usage
the closest
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people
Use synonyms
, the trusted ones like family and friends around - make
feel
Correct pronoun usage
me feel
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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human
being
Verb problem
apply
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more purposeful and blessed.
Example of
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For example
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 Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon company, speaks
Fix the agreement mistake
volumes
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volume
Fix the agreement mistake
volumes
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 about how he realized what really makes him the luckiest. In his latest interview
to
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with
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 BBC, Jeff took a wrap off his formula of
happiness
Use synonyms
, which is not obviously
money
Use synonyms
 he makes, but his beloved family who inspire him to earn.
As a result
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,
people
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 need
people
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 for
happiness
Use synonyms
 but
money
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.
To conclude
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, I do not support a determination of opinion to be happy as to shorten the difference between
high-level
Correct article usage
a high-level
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 class and a low-class, as not bunches of dollars makes a
person
Use synonyms
 happy.
However
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, what makes a human feel literally joyful is a community beside and trusted
people
Use synonyms
 around.
Submitted by Nataliia Litovchenko on

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task response
Good use of examples to support your points. Ensure to address all parts of the essay question clearly to enhance task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Transition phrases could be used more effectively to enhance coherence and cohesion further.
task response
Strong examples provided to support arguments
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion included
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