Some people think that in order to produce a happy society, it is necessary to ensure that there is only a small difference between the earnings of the richest and poorest. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is believed that only a tiny gap in income between
of
Change preposition
apply
wealth
Replace the word
wealthy
people
and poor ones makes humans be
happier. I would argue Unnecessary verb
apply
this
opinion due to
the fact that it will increase an economic disbalance in the world and also
being fully content with life not
always relate to Add a missing verb
does not
money
.
In my opinion, happiness
is not determined only with
the quantity of Change preposition
by
money
a person
possesses. It means that money
is in most cases a mean
to an end, but not the method of being happy. Individuals feel Fix the agreement mistake
means
a
pleasure Correct article usage
apply
pursuing
goals, going through the whole process of achieving dreams and Change preposition
in pursuing
as a
result
experiencing a feeling of Add a comma
result,
happiness
. For instance
, from my own experience
I have always felt on cloud 9 when I have been accomplishing my goals, especially Add a comma
experience,
long-terms
, Correct your spelling
long-term
as
entering Correct quantifier usage
such as
university
in France. That feeling gave me Correct article usage
a university
the
harmony and I felt so balanced and happy, which was not about my financial status. Correct article usage
apply
Thus
, it is
nothing to do with Verb problem
has
money
, no matter at what level class a person
is, the richest or the poorest
The other thing about the correlation between making enough money
and being happy is that it completely does not make any sense,
if no one can support actions a Remove the comma
apply
person
does towards being happy. Therefore
, closest
Correct article usage
the closest
people
, the trusted ones like family and friends around - make feel
Correct pronoun usage
me feel
a
human Correct article usage
apply
being
more purposeful and blessed. Verb problem
apply
Example of
Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon company, speaks Change preposition
For example
Fix the agreement mistake
volumes
volume
about how he realized what really makes him the luckiest. In his latest interview Fix the agreement mistake
volumes
to
BBC, Jeff took a wrap off his formula of Change preposition
with
happiness
, which is not obviously money
he makes, but his beloved family who inspire him to earn. As a result
, people
need people
for happiness
but money
.
To conclude
, I do not support a determination of opinion to be happy as to shorten the difference between high-level
class and a low-class, as not bunches of dollars makes a Correct article usage
a high-level
person
happy. However
, what makes a human feel literally joyful is a community beside and trusted people
around.Submitted by Nataliia Litovchenko on
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task response
Good use of examples to support your points. Ensure to address all parts of the essay question clearly to enhance task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Transition phrases could be used more effectively to enhance coherence and cohesion further.
task response
Strong examples provided to support arguments
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction and conclusion included
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