IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Shopping is the favourite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that? Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities.

#favourite #pastime #people #activities
In our present era shopping is being the best pastime for youngsters.people have their own perspectives when it comes to shopping. In
this
 essay, we will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the reasons behind their choice.
First
 of all, with the coming of movies and advertisements citizens of younger generations are more attracted to
this
 area than the older people and have made
this
 their favourite hobby.They are rushing behind the modern trends of their idols, imitating their ideas.In short,
this
 is
also
 a marketing strategy.More and more youngsters getting addicted to
this
 hobby inclines the sales profit of products.
Hence
 those who
maintains
Change the verb form
maintain
show examples
 the interest with modern clothing and accessories
tends
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to spare extra time for shopping. undeniably,a large amount of money is getting wasted on shopping. In my opinion, youth must be distracted towards activities other than shopping like painting, reading and physical exercise which helps them maintain a healthy mind and body.They should learn something new and should be able to express themselves as each day pass.
Moreover
, it is indeed a waste of
timeas
Correct your spelling
time as
times
 it is only one thing that cannot be retrieved in
this
 world. I conclude my essay with the view that younger people should be encouraged to spend more of their free time on various physical activities that could help them live a more peaceful and meaningful life.
Submitted by aanetthomas03 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: