IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think violent films have negative effect on people and should be banned. other think that they are just relaxation. Discuss both sides and give opinion.

Nowadays, entertainment media is growing rapidly throughout the world.
Thus
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, it is argued by a certain section of society that violence and crime movies have adverse consequences and should be
banned
Punctuation problem
banned,
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while
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 others believe that they are a good source of entertainment.
This
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 essay will illustrate both the
prospectives
Use the right word
perspectives
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 and
with
Change preposition
apply
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my view that these programmes should not be cut off. On the one side, some
people
Use synonyms
 anticipate that
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
consistent
Replace the word
consistently
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 watching
of
Change preposition
apply
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brutal and aggressive shows
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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bad
Correct article usage
a bad
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 impact on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
Use synonyms
.
In other words
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, regular watching of wild movies
Use synonyms
children
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by children
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 will engage those actions in their real life and believe it is normal,
therefore
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 it is not acceptable in society.
For example
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, there was an online game named
as
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apply
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PUBG in which the hero is killing the other
people
Use synonyms
 and
consequence
Correct article usage
the consequence
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 of
this
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 game
end
Correct subject-verb agreement
ends
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 up in the real killing among the
children
Use synonyms
believing
Wrong verb form
who believe
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 themselves as the hero.
Therefore
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, these fierce shows should be banned , so that it does not have a negative influence. On the other side, violent films, serials and online games are mere mediums of enjoyment and relaxation. It is believed that watching violent actions or playing aggressive
videogames
Use the right word
video games
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 is psychologically helpful as they allow the viewer or user to release their suppressed violent emotions in a safe way.
For instance
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, a study report from the University of Cambridge found that 60% of
people
Use synonyms
 find these sources
as
Change preposition
apply
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a platform
of
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for
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 relaxation. In my view, these violent shows or games should not be banned as they make
people
Use synonyms
 more vigilant in their real
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. One can learn self-defence in any situation or how to cope with a serious situation.
To conclude
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,
however
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 ,violent games and movies are detrimental to
people
Use synonyms
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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people
Use synonyms
 should be careful that there should be a limit to
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
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 and not to
imply
Verb problem
imitate
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 those actions in real life
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 parents should have a consistent watch on their
children
Use synonyms
 to prevent them
in
Change preposition
from
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 getting engaged.

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task
State a clear view in the first paragraph and keep it in the rest of the essay. Your thesis should be simple and direct.
task
Give one or two main points for each side and then explain why they matter. End with a clear personal view.
structure
The essay has an intro, two body parts and a conclusion.
evidence
There are examples to show points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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