IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many parts of the world, people now often throw things away when they are broken and buy new ones, whereas in the past broken things were repaired and used again. Why do you think this is the case? What problems may it lead to?

It is becoming quite common around the globe that
people
Use synonyms
 are buying new
things
Use synonyms
 and getting rid of old
products
Use synonyms
 by throwing
away
Correct pronoun usage
them away
show examples
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 compared to
earlier
Punctuation problem
earlier,
show examples
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 reused the
things
Use synonyms
 after getting
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 repaired when being smashed.
This
Linking Words
 essay will provide the reasons for
this
Linking Words
 happening and
also
Linking Words
 highlight the concerns which are rising.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
people
Use synonyms
 are purchasing new
things
Use synonyms
 rather than getting
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 fixed
due to
Linking Words
 easy convenience.
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays have a hectic schedule and do not have enough time
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
for themselves, so in spite of repairing the broken
things
Use synonyms
 , they prefer to buy new
products
Use synonyms
 which save time and
also
Linking Words
repairing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
costs
Correct subject-verb agreement
cost
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 more than buying new ones.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are getting attracted
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to advertisements
due to
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massive
Correct article usage
the massive
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 consumerism of the product.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Change the spelling
globalisation
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globalization
Punctuation problem
globalization,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 desire to have updated
things
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
as a result
Linking Words
 ,old
things
Use synonyms
 are being thrown away or replaced.
For example
Linking Words
, a survey conducted by the University of Oxford found that 70% of
people
Use synonyms
choosing
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
 new
things
Use synonyms
 over old ones after getting
damaged
Punctuation problem
damaged,
show examples
 as it saves time and feels
to
Change preposition
like to
show examples
 upgrade. Despite the benefits, it
also
Linking Words
 has negative consequences on the environment
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
show examples
 order to fulfil the demands of
people
Use synonyms
, companies are exploiting natural resources. Deforestation, de-vegetation and lagging are prevalent in many societies.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are producing more rubbish by discarding traditional items and adopting
products
Use synonyms
 of
presents-days
Replace the word
the present day
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it is seen that
people
Use synonyms
 today are more advanced and wish to have new equipment and
products
Use synonyms
 by throwing
old
Change preposition
out old
show examples
 ones
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 are detrimental to the environment and
raising
Wrong verb form
raise
show examples
 many concerns.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 and locals should be responsible
to create
Change preposition
for creating
show examples
 awareness to start implementing
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 R's in life
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 are
reduced
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
, reuse and recycle the
things
Use synonyms
 which will be helpful to
all
Verb problem
help all
show examples
 living beings.

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organization
Make clear topic sentences for each paragraph and keep ideas in a simple order.
content
Develop each main point with clear, simple facts or examples.
grammar
Fix common grammar mistakes and use accurate words.
style
Avoid long, run-on sentences; use shorter lines and simple links.
accuracy
Check facts before you write or use general ideas with no proof.
content
You show the topic and give reasons and effects.
structure
There is an intro and a conclusion that sum up the idea.
evidence
Some evidence is used, such as a survey.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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