IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Employers sometimes ask people applying for jobs for personal information, such as their hobbies and interests, and wether they are married or single some people say that this information may be relavant and useful.Others disagree. Discuss both these views and give your openion.

#employers #people #jobs #information #hobbies #interests #wether #relavant #openion
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people argue that recruiters should ask
candidates
 for their personal
information
 during the interview,
such
 as hobbies, interests, and marriage status, because they believe that
this
informationinformation
Correct your spelling
information information
 will add more
information
 about their assessment of the
candidates
,
while
 others disagree.
This
 essay will discuss both perspectives before giving my personal opinion. On the one hand, it is true that acknowledgement of the personal
information
 of the candidate benefits the interview in different ways.
Firstly
, personal routines and interests would show their personality.
For example
, those who spend their free time on taking exercise and reading tend to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high personal discipline and self-motivation, which are good for all employment positions.
Additionally
, for those job positions which require long working hours and night
shift
Fix the agreement mistake
shifts
show examples
, tracking marital status helps recruiters choose the right person for the position.
On the other hand
, personal
information
 might not tell the whole picture about
candidates
. Indeed, many people believe that working experience and other soft skills are more likely to be relevant and helpful in determining whether
this
 candidate matches
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the employment.
Furthermore
, some assess that
although
 many people do not have good habits, they can still achieve admirable success in their career path. In my opinion, I personally believe that obtaining the personal hobbies and interests of
candidates
 would be beneficial to interviewers to assess whether the
candidates
 are suitable for the position.
However
, personal
information
 is not all the things we need to ask
candidates
. In conclusion, personal
information
 plays an important role in looking for a good match candidate,
however
, recruiters
also
 need to obtain other important aspects
such
 as working experience and soft skills in the interview.
Submitted by kieuanhnt.vnu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay responds to the prompt well, but ensure you cover all aspects of the question equally. It slightly leans towards addressing one side more thoroughly. Balancing the discussion could improve the completeness of your response.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear and mainly comprehensive, elaborating on the benefits and downsides could provide a more rounded view.
task achievement
Working on providing more specific examples could help to support your arguments better.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to enhance cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The essay features a clear and concise introduction and conclusion that contribute well to the overall structure.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure and flow of ideas are well-maintained throughout the essay.
task achievement
Points are generally well-supported and explained, showing good understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: