IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Question : some young people are leaving the country side to live in cities and town, leaving only old people in countryside. What problem does this cause? What can be done to solve this problem?

In the era of modernisation, everyone wants to live in a big town.
That is
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 why
the
Correct article usage
a
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 chunk of folks are moving to cities and even their elders are living in villages.
However
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,
this
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 trend brings numerous problems related rise in urban population and
fall
Correct article usage
a fall
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 in the agriculture sector, there are some steps, which can be taken to prevent these obstacles
such
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 as
develop
Wrong verb form
developing
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 rural
areas
Use synonyms
 with some malls and other business sectors
along with
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to motivate
Change the verb form
motivating
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 the youngster to live in a
countryside
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will discuss these issues and solutions.
To begin
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 with, the first main problem is
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the increasing rate of the crowd in towns. As most of the public
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 going to cities for
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 better future, it brings trouble for urban
areas
Use synonyms
 as
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 overcrowded places.
For instance
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, with the increasing number of migrates in a city, it is obvious that the city will convert into a most crowded place to live and it will automatically affect the resources as less house for living or price inflation.
In addition
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, if the youngsters move to the developed
areas
Use synonyms
,
then
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 it will
a
Add a missing verb
be a
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big loss in
farming
Correct article usage
the farming
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 field. Because the old
persons
Replace the word
people
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 will not be able to participate
with
Change preposition
in
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 efforts in farming and
as a result
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, the production of goods from agriculture will decrease, which will lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
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 lack of resources in industries.
For example
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, if agriculture falls down, how
a
Correct article usage
the
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 sugar industry will run? When there
will
Verb problem
is
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 no or less production of sugarcane,
then
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 it will become difficult to run that business.
On the other hand
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, the development of malls and shops would be a great step towards
to sought
Wrong verb form
seeking
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 out
this
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 thing. To exemplify, the main reason
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
youth
to moving
Wrong verb form
move
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 from the
countryside
Use synonyms
 is the lack of facilities and if the
governementire
Correct your spelling
government
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 those necessities to them,
then
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 they will think about
to live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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 because they will have all the luxury items around them.
Furthermore
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, these days adults prefer to live at a low cost and
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 will be no other cheap place to live as compared to the villages. For one thing, the government should motivate the youngsters to stay in a village because most of the people have their own homes in
countryside
Use synonyms
areas
Use synonyms
 and it will cost nothing to them in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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terms of rental accommodation.
To conclude
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, no doubt that the number of immigrants is increasing day-by-day and it could be from the
countryside
Use synonyms
 to urban
areas
Use synonyms
 as well.
Although
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 it holds lots of compilations like an increasing number of human beings in cities and the loss in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 farming sector, there are some possible
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 for it like the establishment of new shopping centres and infrastructure
as well as
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 to attract the public to rural
areas
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Try to enhance the clarity and development of your ideas. Make sure each main point is fully explained and supported with specific examples.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the logical flow of your paragraphs by using clearer linking phrases and ensuring that each idea connects well to the next.
language use
Revise sentence structure and grammar for greater precision and correctness, as well as to avoid repetitive phrases.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the issue of rural to urban migration and offers solutions, demonstrating awareness of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, providing a structure to the essay that frames the discussion.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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