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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries the proportion of older people is increasing. Could this have more positive or negative effects on society?

#countries #proportion #people #effects #society
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With the passage of time, there has been an increase in the number of aged populations in various countries. For some people, it has caused more positives effects on their community.
However
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,
this
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 essay will discuss how
this
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 has resulted in more negative effects on society.
First
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, the increased number of older populations has put more pressure on the
health
Use synonyms
 system. As people get older they have more comorbidities, which implicates that they will need to visit more healthcare professionals and take more medications.
For example
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, the Australian 2019’s
health
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 report shows that the aged population was responsible for more than sixty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
total Australia’s
health
Use synonyms
 budget.
Second
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, having more aged populations causes countries to spend more money on them than on other critical social necessities. A study shows that most people over the age of 65 were not working, and
therefore
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 the government needed to give them money to afford housing and food.
This
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 resulted in countries having fewer funds for education, medical research and public
health
Use synonyms
. Despite
this
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, on the positive side, as older people might have more free time and fewer household responsibilities, they can volunteer at museums and public events.
This
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 is important
on
Verify preposition usage
for
in
show examples
 society, as it assists countries to save funds.
For instance
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, the city of Sydney reports that the aged volunteers on Vivid helped them save 1 million dollars, which was used to develop more light displays. In conclusion, the increase in the aged population has had negative and positive effects on society. Despite some people might consider that
this
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 has more advantages in their countries
such
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 as volunteer work, in my opinion, it has more disadvantages that affect the overall population like less found for research and education.
Submitted by danielasierra120700 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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