IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#children #countries #effects
Obesity is one of the major problems in many children from the rich and developed countries. Unhealthy food consumption is considered as the main cause for
such
 change which can lead to many health hazards like heart problems which disturb their normal life. Intake of high fat and fewer nutrition foods is quite common for the
last
 couple of decades in developed countries. So,
this
 could be due to the abundant availability of a variety of choices to eat in their day-to-day life and is very high when compared to developing countries.
For example
, according to a few studies, the obesity rate is substantially increased in the USA and is directly proportional to the number of fast-food restaurants opened in each state and the sales of carbonated drinks.
Therefore
, eating greasy foods and having carbonated drinks is an outstanding reason for overweight in young kids from wealthy countries. Obese children are known to have multiple health problems
such
 as cardiological diseases which eventually disturbs their whole lifestyle and career.
Moreover
, when these kids are suffering from
such
 problems, they are in need of extreme care and medication because of which they are incapable of performing the basic activities which are generally done with ease at their age.
For example
, some studies prove that many children in the USA are unable to complete their education due to inability to attend school or study at home because of their poor cardiological condition caused by obesity.
Hence
, heart diseases are being resulted in kids at high frequency in rich nations. In conclusion, many children in wealthy nations are suffering from obesity due to their bad food intake which
consequently
 results in various heart diseases restricting their quality of living.
Submitted by duggishaalu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • sedentary
  • caloric intake
  • processed foods
  • fast food culture
  • screen time
  • metabolic disorders
  • healthcare expenditure
  • lifestyle diseases
  • preventative strategies
  • nutritional education
  • public health policy
  • body mass index (BMI)
  • emotional well-being
  • stigmatization
  • exercise regimen
  • eating habits
  • junk food
  • socioeconomic factors
  • health literacy
What to do next:
Look at other essays: