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Band 4

Some people think poverty is the reason behind most crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #poverty #reason #crimes
Nowadays as the world population is increasing, poverty is developing more and more. Some
people
 argue that the shortage is the reason behind most crimes. I partially agree with
this
 statement for several reasons.
Firstly
, poverty is one of the major problems in these years. It's noticeable how poor
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 live in urban or suburban areas don't have enough space to farm or hunt,
thus
 they are more propensity to commit a crime to survive compared to poor
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 live in rural areas and could rely on farming or breeding. To cite an example, recent studies suggest that the percentage of total crimes committed was composed
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 50% of poor
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 live in the cities,
whereas
this
 percentage
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nearly 15% for
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 live in the rural areas.
Moreover
, poverty could be a way to do more and could incentivise
people
 to reach better results as they want to escape
this
 situation.
Furthermore
, it can enhance the
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 among different
people
 as they will be normally dependent
among
Change preposition
on
show examples
 each other. One clear example could be the "Giustiniana" community, founded in 1980 by
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 were in
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 difficulties and based on a common sharing of possession among the members,
that is
 still operating. To draw
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusions, in certain
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 scarcity could be the reason behind most crimes,
Although
, on the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
,it's noticeable how it can push
people
 to improve their selves by reaching higher goals. Governments should take severe measures in order to tackle
this
 problem and allow everyone to have a better lifestyle.
Submitted by Niccolò on

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