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Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think poverty is the reason behind most crimes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #poverty #reason #crimes
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Nowadays as the world population is increasing, poverty is developing more and more. Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that the shortage is the reason behind most crimes. I partially agree with
this
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 statement for several reasons.
Firstly
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, poverty is one of the major problems in these years. It's noticeable how poor
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 live in urban or suburban areas don't have enough space to farm or hunt,
thus
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 they are more propensity to commit a crime to survive compared to poor
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 live in rural areas and could rely on farming or breeding. To cite an example, recent studies suggest that the percentage of total crimes committed was composed
by
Change preposition
of
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 50% of poor
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 live in the cities,
whereas
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this
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 percentage
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
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 to
a
Correct article usage
apply
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nearly 15% for
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 live in the rural areas.
Moreover
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, poverty could be a way to do more and could incentivise
people
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 to reach better results as they want to escape
this
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 situation.
Furthermore
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, it can enhance the
relationship
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relationships
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 among different
people
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 as they will be normally dependent
among
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on
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 each other. One clear example could be the "Giustiniana" community, founded in 1980 by
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 were in
economical
Replace the word
economic
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 difficulties and based on a common sharing of possession among the members,
that is
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 still operating. To draw
the
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusions, in certain
cases
Add a comma
cases,
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 scarcity could be the reason behind most crimes,
Although
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, on the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
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,it's noticeable how it can push
people
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 to improve their selves by reaching higher goals. Governments should take severe measures in order to tackle
this
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 problem and allow everyone to have a better lifestyle.
Submitted by Niccolò on

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coherence cohesion
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