IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The best way to motivate people to be more productive is paying them according to their sales or production. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #sales #production
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In
morden
Correct your spelling
modern
 society, some people believe that the best stimulating tool of
encouragingworkers
Correct your spelling
encouraging workers
 to produce more is the
payment
, which I don't agree with completely. It is
ineed
Correct your spelling
indeed
need
 that
payment
 may play a basic role in motivating employees to be productive in
s
Add an article
a
show examples
hort
time
. If workers achieve their own tasks in the job, they will be paid higher, which is an equal competition system for every individual in a
company
. More achievements they can make for the
company
, they
also
 can gain extra awards,
thus
 resulting in higher
work
 enthusiasm. In market departments,
for example
, if employees can strive for more clients to follow you and buy your products,
then
 they can gain more in the
payment
. Everyone in the
company
 can feel that their hard
work
 can be compensated with money value, which is a game made by
superrisers
Correct your spelling
supervisors
 to encourage them
w
Add the particle
to
show examples
ork as much as possible.
However
, there
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 many other companies
c
Add a pronoun
that
show examples
an offer higher salaries for the employees. 
Even though
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 in a short term, high
payment
 can stimulate the passion of workers, for a long
time
, the most useful policy is to provide a clear
promotion
 career path. A healthy
promotion
 system
offer
Change the verb form
offers
show examples
 every
workers
Change to a singular noun
worker
show examples
 in the
company
 the same opportunity to get promoted. Every step, employees struggle for a higher position means that hey should
work
 hard enough and contribute to the
company
 more than others. In
this
 process, they would like to
work
 more urgently from their deep heart because they not only aim to
ahieve
Correct your spelling
achieve
 the required tasks
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 pursue
for
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
dreams. There are lots of experienced workers,
for example
, who worked for their companies for a long
time
 and hold the post of managers producing the most among their own departments.
This
 is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
strong evidence that accurate
promotion
 path is the most useful way of remaining
cmployees
Correct your spelling
employees
 and improving their productivity. To sum up, in a short
time
, people tend to be attracted by high salaries,
however
, in a long run,
g
Add an article
the
a
show examples
ood
promotion
 career path is the most efficient way to enhance employees' productivity willingly.
Submitted by shaolin.shop on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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