IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

As well as making money, businesses also have a responsibility towards society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #businesses #responsibility #society
It is important to consider the freedom that humanity has achieved. While some people believe that companies and entrepreneurs are accountable for the social impacts caused by their actions, others will argue that only profit matters. I tend to agree with the former statement and I will support my view in
this
 essay. In recent years, the world has been through a deep modification in how the economy works. In the middle ages
Add a comma
,
show examples
the society was static, which means that
money
 exchanges would not have any influence on its layers. Even if a person could accumulate a large amount of
money
, never would they ascend in social status because it was already defined since one’s birth. After
this
, the bourgeois revolution changed
this
 paradigm which allowed people to invest their
money
 freely and ascend in the social pyramid. For
this
 reason, some people advocate that the market should be regulated by itself and should not be controlled by the law or government. They call it “
laissez faire
Add a hyphen
laissez-faire
show examples
, laissez passer”, a quote from Turgot that means “let do, let pass”.
However
, if it had not been controlled by some rules, it would have increased the social disparities in an
alarmant
Correct your spelling
alarming
alarmed
 way. Actually, in 1929 the Great Crash occurred. After the Roaring Twenties, the decade after World War I when people and companies intensely speculated without any rules, the market collapsed. As a consequence, the nation
that is
 the symbol of liberty hardly had learned that it is paramount that businesses must occur under at least a partial regulation and its outcomes have a huge social influence. Had
this
 tragedy never happened, likely making business without responsibility would never have been questioned. To sum up, even though people should be free to decide how they are going to invest their
money
, the accountability of their acts should be considered. Either by law and ethics.
Submitted by agenciabrushup on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: