In recent years, there has been growing interest in the relationship between equality and personal achievement. Some people believe that individuals can achieve more in egalitarian societies. Others believe that high levels of personal achievement are possible only if individuals are free to succeed or fail according to their individual merits.

#years #interest #relationship #equality #achievement #people #individuals #societies #levels #merits

Due to the large interest in the relationship between equality and personal success, many people have started a debate regarding whether a person can achieve personal success in an egalitarian society where everyone is treated in the same manner or in a community where people are free to succeed or fail based on their own capabilities. I firmly believe that a combination of both equal and individualistic approach is the key to thrive.

To begin

with, gender equality is a subject we cannot neglect. Females’ roles vary in different parts of the world.

For example

, in western Europe women are respected and are accepted as individuals as much as men.

However

, countries in the Middle East are not so tolerant and women still remain inferior to men. In those countries ,women are not supposed to prosper on their own, because it is believed that men need to do both the physical and intellectual work.

This

shows us beliefs of not egalitarian societies are emphatic enough to stop some people from being prosperous.

On the other hand

, an individualistic approach is the

second

step of succeeding since living in an egalitarian community is not sufficient to prosper. After all, each person is responsible for their income. The egalitarian society can only create conditions for us to thrive and we should take the opportunities and make efforts to achieve a certain goal. On

this

path ,people are sure to encounter some obstacles because of the inseparable connection between failing and flourishing.

For instance

, many of the most affluent people are those who are not afraid to risk and fail. Overall, I firmly believe that a world where the combination of equality and individualism is the basis of having more people who realise their dreams. Being part of an egalitarian society gives us shared opportunities but it is our motivation and enthusiasm that leads us to success.

Submitted by mishast26 on Sun Nov 08 2020

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

314 words

7.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Include an introduction and conclusion

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Is this a positive or negative development?

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory part of high school programmes. Do you agree or diagree?

Explain some of the ways in which humans are damaging the environment. What are governments do to address these problems? What can individuals people do?