IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Students
Use synonyms
 from universities are willing to learn additional
subjects
Use synonyms
 other than the main
subjects
Use synonyms
 that are related to their majors.
While
Linking Words
 others argue that fully emphasizing the main
subjects
Use synonyms
 for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
qualification is more critical. I do agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, despite the fact that other
subjects
Use synonyms
 provide benefits. The desire of some
students
Use synonyms
 to learn other
subjects
Use synonyms
 may have potential benefits in their future careers.
In other words
Linking Words
, there are many general skills that
students
Use synonyms
 can learn as additional
subjects
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as interpersonal skills, which could enhance when they interact with society not only for the moment of studying but
also
Linking Words
 in their future working lives. Since universities play a crucial role as a bridge for children when they prepare for their careers to enter adulthood, the
students
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
, consider having additional
subjects
Use synonyms
 will be advantageous for them.
However
Linking Words
, it might lose their attention on the main
subjects
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are
students
Use synonyms
 who want to focus on their relevant
subjects
Use synonyms
 for a qualification, particularly international
students
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because they have
initially
Linking Words
 encountered language barriers and culture shocks, meanwhile, they have to struggle for their studies which were taught in a foreign language. Another reason is that they don’t usually have
rooms
Fix the agreement mistake
room
show examples
 for irrelevant
subjects
Use synonyms
 as they have been occupied with their part-time jobs. They probably consider that lacking concentration on main
subjects
Use synonyms
 may hinder higher grades and cause confusion in their career paths.
To sum up
Linking Words
, in my opinion,
students
Use synonyms
 who are focusing on main
subjects
Use synonyms
 for qualification would be more effective and efficient in their career path rather than adding additional
subjects
Use synonyms
, which may create confusion.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider integrating more specific and varied examples to bolster the essay's arguments and provide a richer analysis. Specific examples can help to clearly demonstrate your points and make your arguments more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Aim for smoother transitions between the ideas and paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of the essay. This will aid in maintaining coherence and making your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced exploration of both sides of the argument, showing a good understanding and engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
The response successfully outlines a clear perspective and sums up with a precise conclusion, contributing to its effective coherence and cohesion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Broaden
  • Perspectives
  • Specialize
  • Critical thinking
  • Problem-solving skills
  • Career success
  • Interdisciplinary connections
  • Structured path
  • Clear goals
  • Creativity
  • Innovation
  • Academic credibility
  • Recognition
  • Balance
  • Exploring
What to do next:
Look at other essays: