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Band 5

Some people think young people should be free to choose his or her job, but other people think they should be realistic and think more about their future. Discuss both views, and give your own opinion.

#people #job #future
A particular portion of the population
claim
Correct subject-verb agreement
claims
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 adolescents ought to be independent
to determine
Change preposition
in determining
show examples
 their workplace,
whereas
 other members of the society suppose that it is a good idea to be pragmatic and analyse more about their prospective work field. Resulting from remarkable shifts in social tendencies, the circumstances in which youngsters freely choose his or her forthcoming profession
seems
Correct subject-verb agreement
seem
show examples
 to have become more widespread. Sufficient findings show that up to 87 per cent of young people who lean towards their own feelings tend to
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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become the most dedicated workers since they are more interested in it. To be more precise, youngsters have more potential to become productive since they are likely to contribute more efforts
on
Change preposition
to
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 doing research in the fields they are interested in.
This
also
 burgeons the work efficiency of the company.
Thus
, hardly anybody can refuse to accept that it is exceptionally challenging to underestimate
this
.
However
, some experts who believe that young residents have to be more rational in specifying their future profession may deem the aforementioned point of view debatable. Highlighting the argument it could be said that The Ministry of Labor and Employment advises graduates to consider all aspects of
the
Change the word
their
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 chosen profession because each job has different difficulties and pay
scale
Fix the agreement mistake
scales
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.
For example
, some work fields are poorly paid and may not fulfil
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
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 desire.
Nevertheless
, it is essential to weigh all the facets of each individual case.
To sum up
, the latter judgement is more convincing, since
this
 is backed up by my own experience, for I am a recruiter, who understands that it is essential to
concern
Wrong verb form
be concerned
show examples
 about the future career.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that every main point is clearly connected to the thesis to enhance logical structure.
coherence cohesion
Improve paragraph transitions to make the essay flow more smoothly.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support general statements.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views on the topic, providing a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the writer's opinion with a clear stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career trajectory
  • job satisfaction
  • employment prospects
  • financial stability
  • job security
  • economically viable
  • harnessing potential
  • labor market
  • vocational guidance
  • real-world demands
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