IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to look after them. What are the problems related to this? What are some possible solutions?

#people #care #time
Nowadays, many people who have a sincere concern about senior people, in fact, are too busy to take proper care of them. In
this
 essay, I will consider what kind of issues it is caused and which way they can be tackled.
First,
the most important consequences of negligence on the young adult’s part and lack of high-quality help to the elderly, are physical and mental problems of the senior generation associated with it. To illustrate, after a certain age an old person, especially a person with disabilities or severe health issues, is not able to provide themselves with a decent level of
life
. Sometimes even basic needs
such
 as food supply, house maintenance, communication with the family or neighbours, etc. are not satisfied.
As a result
, seniors have become socially isolated and struggle to survive, which is leading to mental crises
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and problems with health. The key to solving these issues is to establish a social service by the government that will provide the elderly with all necessary help
such
 as health check-ups, medicine, and food packages.
In addition
, in order to improve the quality of social interactions of seniors, it would be a great solution to create free membership social clubs, where every pensioner could come and take lessons
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 dancing, singing or other creative activities.
For example
, my mother attended yoga classes in
this
 kind of club in our city and I personally noticed that she has become more cheerful and interested in
life
. In conclusion, the main problem arising from lack of time for helping the elderly is that the quality of
life
 of the older generation is decreasing; as a rule, senior people suffer from isolation and
inability
Correct article usage
the inability
show examples
 to maintain a decent level of
life
. One of the possible ways to resolve the situation is the establishment by the authorities
a
Change preposition
of a
show examples
social service that would take care of the elderly and provide them with all mandatory help.
Submitted by mariya.vlassova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

recommendation
Task Response: The essay mostly addresses the prompt by discussing the problems related to the lack of time to care for the elderly and suggesting possible solutions. However, the ideas are somewhat unclear and could be further developed for a more thorough response.
recommendation
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay demonstrates a generally effective logical structure and clear introduction and conclusion. However, some ideas lack development and there are instances of unclear connections between sentences. Work on providing more detailed support and improving the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: