IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Nowadays, families are not as close as in the past and a lot of people have become used to this. why is this happening? do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

#families #people #trend
In the current era, joint families are not existing, everywhere mostly we see nuclear families. The main reason for
this
 is to seek opportunities.
Although
 there are
p
Add an article
a
show examples
lethora of benefits to these trends,
however
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
there are few demerits too. By staying together one can grow family
business
 and be successful, but as there are fewer chances of creating
such
 family
business
 because of lack of financial capital to get started with, many think of finding
j
Add an article
a
show examples
ob or
business
 opportunity into
w
Add an article
the
show examples
ell-developed
city
.
Such
 well-developed cities can be away from their family, even there is
p
Add an article
a
show examples
ossibility to land in another country to grab
such
 an opportunity. So it becomes mandatory to be away from family because one can not afford to pay rent to accommodate everyone in the family.
Moreover
, as they settle in another
city
, which is away from family, they find it comfortable, because
this
 habit avoids conflicts and family disputes. Another advantage is to expand the connections with other
city
 residents, which can develop new
business
 ideas and jobs. Interaction with natives of another country
for example
 can generate interest in learning new language and culture, banking on
this
 can lead to more fruitful life
such
 as language translation services or hospitality businesses.
On the other hand
, there is a chance of disrespecting family contacts because of the distance,
although
 technology has enabled
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
video calls and voice calls, still physical touch has
g
Add an article
a
show examples
reat sense of understanding. To mitigate
this
 one should have a month break every year to meet all the family members either in
n
Add an article
the
a
show examples
ative
city
 or current
city
 to have
f
Add an article
a
show examples
amily bonding. In conclusion, there are many merits on staying away from family but certain drawbacks do exist. One should stay connected by digital means with family members and occasionally physical meetups will keep the bond of
f
Add an article
the
show examples
amily happy.
Submitted by sumant2000 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: