IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The world is witnessing increase in crime rates. Many believe that this is due to the restrictions in capital punishments. Is capital punishment justifiable?

#world #crime #rates #restrictions #punishments #punishment
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The entire world is witnessing a rise in offence rates. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
 assert that criminal activities are rising owing to the restrictions
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 capital
punishments
Fix the agreement mistake
punishment
show examples
. Giving the death penalty seems to be more advantageous rather than other punishments. To initiate the benefits of giving capital punishment to criminals.
The first
Correct article usage
First
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 and foremost is the rise of fear among
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 may lead to a decline in criminal activities. To elaborate, when
people
 commit any kind of heinous
crime
such
 as murder, rape, and child sexual abuse, they should be punished in strict ways
such
 as hanging, shooting, lethal injection,
beheading
Correct word choice
and beheading
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 rather than sending
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 the
prisons
Fix the agreement mistake
prison
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.
As a result
, other ones are likely to feel afraid
while
 committing any kind of
crime
. To cite an example,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Islamic countries
such
 as Dubai, Kuwait, and Saudi Arabia give
behead
Wrong verb form
beheading
show examples
 punishment to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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criminals
due to
 killing or raping, whereby the
crime
 rate is almost 0% over there. Another major benefit is to provide justice to
victims
. To explain, if the death penalty is given to the criminals, the
victims
 get proper equality, whereby the other
people
 of the country feel secure and spend
the
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their
show examples
 life free from
crime
.
For example
, in Delhi, the culprits, who were involved in the Nirbhaya rape case,
finally
Add a missing verb
were finally
show examples
 hanged
till
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to
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 death
due to
this
, the
victims
 got justice after the period of 8 years. In conclusion, supporting capital punishment may be beneficial for raising the afraid in individuals
as well as
 the maintenance of proper justice for
victims
.
Submitted by arah.kaka011 on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear argument in favor of capital punishment. The examples provided support the main points effectively.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction sets the stage for the discussion and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points. The essay is well-organized and each paragraph flows logically to the next.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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