IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#britain #someone #home #people #nurses #government #care
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While
p
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the
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opulation has soared, birth rates are
continuosly
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continuously
 decreasing in most of the well-developed world.
As a result
Linking Words
,
overageing
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averaging
over ageing
 is one
Verify preposition usage
of
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the main problems that many countries are facing. As the number of elders
need
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needs
show examples
 services to
care
Use synonyms
Verify preposition usage
for
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them, families and individuals should be
responsibles
Correct your spelling
responsible
 for them, but if someone
does not have neither
Rewrite the sentence
does not have either
has neither
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 family
or
Replace the word
nor
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money
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,
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g
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the
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overnment should pay.
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Government
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The government
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 should invest
money
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 on other services rather than pay for expenses of people on their
retirement
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. The state should able to guarantee common services by reaching the maximum number of persons in the population.
For instance
Linking Words
, it has more positive outcomes if
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g
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the
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overnment spend
money
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 on better public infrastructure
such
Linking Words
 as roads and transportation than
care
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 for old people. The investment is going to bring profit in the mid-term by fueling the economical growth.
As a result
Linking Words
, individuals and as a consequence
families
Correct the article-noun agreement
family
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 will be able to have more
money
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 to spend and they can freely choose
wheter
Correct your spelling
whether
 they save for
retirement
Use synonyms
 or if they want to pay for caring of the older family group members.
Nevertheless
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, opportunities are not the same for everyone. Some people have better access to resources
such
Linking Words
 as networking and education and they can easily save for their
retirement
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some people have worked their entire
life
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 only
for
Verify preposition usage
to
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 thrive and survive and they were not able to save for later stages of
life
Use synonyms
.
As a result
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,
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g
Add an article
the
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overnment should spend
money
Use synonyms
 on basic infrastructure and
care
Use synonyms
 for elders who were working their entire
life
Use synonyms
 but they were not able to save
money
Use synonyms
for
Verify preposition usage
on
show examples
 their own. One
succesful
Correct your spelling
successful
 example of
this
Linking Words
 policy is Australia where the
government
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 is spending
money
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 on services for their old
tax payers
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taxpayers
show examples
 but in the same time
Add a comma
,
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private
elder
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eldercare
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care
Use synonyms
 is offering in all over the country for individuals and families who were saving and want to spend on it. In conclusion,
overageing
Correct your spelling
averaging
over ageing
 is becoming one of the
challeging
Correct your spelling
challenging
 problems in our societies and families and individuals need to be aware of
this
Linking Words
 problem and be ready to solve it, but
also
Linking Words
government
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 should be present whenever someone is not able to pay for
care
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 because there are persons who have been working their entire
life
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 and they have not allowed
to save
Change the verb form
saving
show examples
 for their
retirement
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by roberto.espinozav on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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