IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

It is sometimes suggested that primary schoolchildren should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do you think that the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#schoolchildren #vegetables #animals #outweigh
Some people insist that young student at elementary school should learn how are plan cultivated and how are animals bred. Personally, I am inclined to the view that the merits of learning about that outweigh the drawbacks.
To begin
 with, mankind can not live in the Earth alone so people have to learn and know the way that human lives together with other lives. Cultivating some plan and breeding some animals can be a good way which they can learn about the other lives through.
In addition
, It is important for young people to experience growing the other lives because it can be
o
Add an article
an
show examples
pportunity which they think about their job in the future, which is led to motivation to study at school or to make effort to find their dream.
For example
, a survey conducted by a local newspaper named Kyounju Times in 2020, 80% of respondents who are experts in education industry said that the more people experience various activities when they were young, the higher the people tend to be likely to be successful. To sum up, there are some valid explanations related to
this
 topic. I am sure that what young people learn about vegetables and animals by nurturing them is helpful for them and our society. what elementary students should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals is a good idea.
Submitted by ieltsirene on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: