IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is sometimes suggested that primary schoolchildren should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do you think that the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#schoolchildren #vegetables #animals #outweigh
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people think that elementary schoolers should study growing vegetables and animals. The advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is good for children's mental health. Many children could feel happy to grow vegetables and dogs or cats. According to a survey conducted by a major newspaper named KOREA TIMES in 2020, approximately 80% of respondents who were experts in children's behaviour said that children who learned how to keep plants and animals had better mental health.
This
Linking Words
 means that there should be merits to learn how to grow vegetables and animals.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if many children learn to grow and
species
Use synonyms
, our society becomes healthier.
This
Linking Words
 is because sometimes they should know how to love
species
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
 their life will become happier, and our life too.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, other people consider the keeping
species
Use synonyms
 wastes time but
this
Linking Words
 is a way to make our society healthy. We ought to develop similar education courses. To sum up, there are some valid explanations for the benefits and drawbacks of learning how to grow vegetables and animals.
This
Linking Words
 means the advantages of
this
Linking Words
 outweigh the disadvantages.
Therefore
Linking Words
, we should learn it before adulthood, it is necessary for all individual on earth to educate. Please remember we are one of many
species
Use synonyms
 on the ground.
Submitted by ieltsirene on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: