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Band 5.5

Some people believe that individuals are responsible for their own personal happiness. Others argue that happiness can be affected by other factors. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #individuals #happiness #factors
It is true that the
happiness
 of individuals influenced by many factors. While other people tend towards the viewpoint that individuals can make their own
happiness
. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that the
happiness
 of each
person
 is affected by other factors. On one hand, there are clear arguments that individuals can create their
happiness
 and they have to take
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
responsibility
of
Verify preposition usage
for
show examples
 it. One of the main reasons can be that reaching the dream contributes
in
Verify preposition usage
to
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 building the
happiness
 of
evey
Correct your spelling
every
person
.
This
 means that learning the
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 subject gives motivation and induces the
person
 to achieve the top dream. Another reason can be that thinking about the future job can be considered as the major way to approach a happy life.
For instance
, teenagers plan their goals to study in their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 university and college.
Thus
,
this
 leads the individuals to make their own personal
happiness
. One the other hand, it is
also
 possible to make the opposing case. It is often argued that in fact there are other factors
m
Add a pronoun
that
show examples
ay affect
on
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
the
person
's
happiness
. People usually have
this
 opinion because each
person
 is surrounded by many sorts of people that can influence
on
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
its
happiness
 whether in a good way or in a bad way.
In other words
, the
person
's
happiness
 can be controlled by the friends and family, which results in not giving the individuals
c
Add an article
a
the
show examples
hance to choose their own
happiness
.
Furthermore
, it could give
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
individuals to share their own
happiness
 with others. A particularly good example here is parents are the driving force behind the
happiness
 of their children, so they plan their
happiness
. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinion, I think that
i
Add an article
an
show examples
ndividual's
happiness
 can be affected by other factors.
Submitted by Mariam on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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