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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that individuals are responsible for their own personal happiness. Others argue that happiness can be affected by other factors. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #individuals #happiness #factors
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It is true that the
happiness
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 of individuals influenced by many factors. While other people tend towards the viewpoint that individuals can make their own
happiness
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. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 believe that the
happiness
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 of each
person
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 is affected by other factors. On one hand, there are clear arguments that individuals can create their
happiness
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 and they have to take
the
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apply
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responsibility
of
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for
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 it. One of the main reasons can be that reaching the dream contributes
in
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to
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 building the
happiness
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 of
evey
Correct your spelling
every
person
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.
This
Linking Words
 means that learning the
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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 subject gives motivation and induces the
person
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 to achieve the top dream. Another reason can be that thinking about the future job can be considered as the major way to approach a happy life.
For instance
Linking Words
, teenagers plan their goals to study in their
favorite
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favourite
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 university and college.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 leads the individuals to make their own personal
happiness
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. One the other hand, it is
also
Linking Words
 possible to make the opposing case. It is often argued that in fact there are other factors
m
Add a pronoun
that
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ay affect
on
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apply
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the
person
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's
happiness
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. People usually have
this
Linking Words
 opinion because each
person
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 is surrounded by many sorts of people that can influence
on
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apply
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its
happiness
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 whether in a good way or in a bad way.
In other words
Linking Words
, the
person
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's
happiness
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 can be controlled by the friends and family, which results in not giving the individuals
c
Add an article
a
the
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hance to choose their own
happiness
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it could give
the
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apply
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individuals to share their own
happiness
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 with others. A particularly good example here is parents are the driving force behind the
happiness
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 of their children, so they plan their
happiness
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. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinion, I think that
i
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an
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ndividual's
happiness
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 can be affected by other factors.
Submitted by Mariam on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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