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Band 4

We have witnessed that parents spend ample amount of money on children's parties. Some people believe that it is wastage of money and this trend is getting worse. What do you think about this trend? Do parents have any solution to this issue.

#parents #amount #money #children #parties #people #wastage #trend
It is probable that expensive and luxurious parties are trending in today's modern era. It is evident that affluent elite society disburses an abundance of cash on their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
. A certain segment of society believes that the use of
this
 expenditure is unwanted and
getting
Verb problem
making
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this
 era unfruitful. There are numerous factors responsible for
this
 problem,
however
, some measures can be fruitful to curb
this
 problem. I would like to delve
both
Change preposition
into both
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 points in the upcoming paragraph.
To begin
 with, there are enormous
off
Correct word choice
apply
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reasons which affect
this
 trend. First and foremost, youngsters have the habit
to
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of
show examples
emulate
Verb problem
following
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with
Change preposition
up with
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 their peers and
try
Wrong verb form
trying
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 to compete in their surroundings which
further
 pupils force their elders to organise an extravagant party which affects the budget of
family
Correct article usage
the family
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 and they are unable to
afford
Correct pronoun usage
afford it
show examples
.
For instance
,
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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 studying overseas
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 an addiction to
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
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 lavish lifestyle which
father
Correct pronoun usage
their father
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went
Verb problem
used
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 to copy
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in their own country.
Additionally
, sportspeople and famous personalities utilise ample
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 to organise the family functions which
further
 tends to
Add a missing verb
have
show examples
numerous detrimental effects on nature
such
 as large sound
system
Fix the agreement mistake
systems
show examples
 in events
leads
Wrong verb form
leading
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 to noise pollution and the maximum number of plastic
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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being used which is non-biodegradable.
Hence
,
this
 deters the environment.
On the other hand
, there are several ways to tackle these difficulties effectively.
Firstly
, ancestors should head up on their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 and should
explicate
Verb problem
inform
show examples
 them about moral values of life and
avoiding
Wrong verb form
avoid
show examples
 them
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
wastage
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
things utilise their hard on the welfare of society. To Exemplify, pupils in the arab States donate their expenses
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 impoverished
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
Furthermore
, ancestors can motivate their children and they organise the campaign in schools or colleges to prevent the overuse of expenses on family events. In conclusion,
nevertheless
, it can be concluded that there are some
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
mental impacts on higher expenditure occasions but there are various ways to solve
this
 difficulty.
The on
Correct article usage
On
show examples
 the discussion I personally think that teenagers should be encouraged towards charity as it would be beneficial for mankind.
Submitted by naresh on

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task response
Develop a clear and focused position on the given topic
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and cohesive devices to improve coherence and cohesion

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • extravagant
  • competitive
  • societal pressures
  • status symbols
  • unrealistic expectations
  • materialism
  • financial burden
  • cost-effective
  • creativity
  • familial bonding
  • social divide
  • setting budgets
  • co-hosting
  • non-material aspects
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