IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

We have witnessed that parents spend ample amount of money on children's parties. Some people believe that it is wastage of money and this trend is getting worse. What do you think about this trend? Do parents have any solution to this issue.

It is probable that expensive and luxurious parties are trending in today's modern era. It is evident that affluent elite society disburses an abundance of cash on their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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. A certain segment of society believes that the use of
this
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 expenditure is unwanted and
getting
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making
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this
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 era unfruitful. There are numerous factors responsible for
this
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 problem,
however
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, some measures can be fruitful to curb
this
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 problem. I would like to delve
both
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into both
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 points in the upcoming paragraph.
To begin
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 with, there are enormous
off
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apply
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reasons which affect
this
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 trend. First and foremost, youngsters have the habit
to
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of
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emulate
Verb problem
following
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with
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up with
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 their peers and
try
Wrong verb form
trying
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 to compete in their surroundings which
further
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 pupils force their elders to organise an extravagant party which affects the budget of
family
Correct article usage
the family
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 and they are unable to
afford
Correct pronoun usage
afford it
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.
For instance
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,
individual
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individuals
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 studying overseas
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 an addiction to
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
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 lavish lifestyle which
father
Correct pronoun usage
their father
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went
Verb problem
used
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 to copy
it
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apply
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in their own country.
Additionally
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, sportspeople and famous personalities utilise ample
of
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apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 to organise the family functions which
further
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 tends to
Add a missing verb
have
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numerous detrimental effects on nature
such
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 as large sound
system
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systems
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 in events
leads
Wrong verb form
leading
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 to noise pollution and the maximum number of plastic
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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being used which is non-biodegradable.
Hence
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,
this
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 deters the environment.
On the other hand
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, there are several ways to tackle these difficulties effectively.
Firstly
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, ancestors should head up on their
offsprings
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offspring
show examples
 and should
explicate
Verb problem
inform
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 them about moral values of life and
avoiding
Wrong verb form
avoid
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 them
from
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apply
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wastage
of
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apply
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things utilise their hard on the welfare of society. To Exemplify, pupils in the arab States donate their expenses
on
Change preposition
to
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 impoverished
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
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.
Furthermore
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, ancestors can motivate their children and they organise the campaign in schools or colleges to prevent the overuse of expenses on family events. In conclusion,
nevertheless
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, it can be concluded that there are some
that
Correct word choice
apply
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mental impacts on higher expenditure occasions but there are various ways to solve
this
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 difficulty.
The on
Correct article usage
On
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 the discussion I personally think that teenagers should be encouraged towards charity as it would be beneficial for mankind.

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task response
Develop a clear and focused position on the given topic
coherence cohesion
Use transition words and cohesive devices to improve coherence and cohesion
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • extravagant
  • competitive
  • societal pressures
  • status symbols
  • unrealistic expectations
  • materialism
  • financial burden
  • cost-effective
  • creativity
  • familial bonding
  • social divide
  • setting budgets
  • co-hosting
  • non-material aspects
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