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Band 5

Many jobs used to be done at home by hand, but nowadays an increasing number of them are done using machines instead. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this development.

#jobs #home #hand #machines #development
A decade ago,
people
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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preferred to
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 their
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
 at home by
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
 and they
avoid
Wrong verb form
avoided
show examples
 using
science
Replace the word
scientific
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 inventions.
Whereas
, in the present era,
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 love
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
handling machines
for
Change preposition
in
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 their daily routine
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. It has lots of advantages but we cannot neglect the downsides of
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
show examples
 of
technologies
Fix the agreement mistake
technology
show examples
. On the one hand, there are a plethora of advantages of using machines which can save a lot of occasions and perform better than humans.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
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 washing clothes manually
consume
Correct subject-verb agreement
consumes
show examples
 too much, water and detergent.
Therefore
,
people
 use a washing machine
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 wash
bucket
Fix the agreement mistake
buckets
show examples
 of clothes at one time and save their water and detergent
also
.
Moreover
,
people
 use
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kitchen
appliance
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appliances
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 like
blender
Fix the agreement mistake
blenders
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, microwaves and
refrigerator
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refrigerators
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 for cooking food and
preserved
Wrong verb form
preserving
show examples
 it for a long time.
On the other hand
, there are some drawbacks
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 using technologies which can affect our health and fitness. In
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
people
doing
Wrong verb form
did
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 their
homes
Change the noun form
home
show examples
 chores manually and they
stay
Wrong verb form
stayed
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 healthy and fit because their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 always busy.
Therefore
, the
ration
Correct your spelling
ratio
show examples
 of diseases at that time
very
Add a missing verb
was very
show examples
 less as compared to the modern era.
Furthermore
, in
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
people
 love to
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 work manually and they promote that culture to
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 next generation.
For instance
, a few years ago
people
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraged
show examples
 their children to do work manually and
give
Wrong verb form
gave
show examples
 them a reward to
motivating
Wrong verb form
motivate
show examples
 them
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
doing works
Wrong verb form
do work
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 physically.
To conclude
, the use of machines for daily routine work is good in terms of
saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
show examples
 and utilities.
However
, it can be harmful to humans in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
terms
Fix the agreement mistake
term
show examples
 and
people
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
 their health gradually if they
will
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not do any kind of physical activity.
Submitted by waqas.aslam.stc on

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Task Response
Ensure to clearly address all parts of the task in your response. Expand on the disadvantages of using machines and provide more examples to support your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas in a more logical manner. Consider using transition words to improve the flow between paragraphs.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • automation
  • efficiency
  • productivity
  • manual labor
  • hazardous jobs
  • initial investment
  • production costs
  • job displacement
  • skills gap
  • technical skills
  • reliance
  • vulnerabilities
  • breakdowns
  • cyber attacks
  • craftsmanship
  • artisanal skills
  • cultural heritage
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