Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
In the contemporary world,
music
has become an indispensable part of everyone's life. Regarding music
, many individuals hold the view that it is significant for the community, whilst others argue that it is just for
a source of enjoyment. In my opinion, I believe that melody Change preposition
apply
is
a significant role other than entertaining Verb problem
plays
people
such
as job opportunities and fulfilling hobbies. This
essay will discuss both the perspectives and my point of view as it progresses.
On the one hand, Unquestionably, music
is deemed as one of the most famous ways of entertainment worldwide. In other words
, enjoying every happy and lovable moment, people
prefer to celebrate these occasions with tunes. It not only helps people
to express their feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
with
Change preposition
to
the
Change the word
their
beloved
Correct your spelling
loved
but
Correct pronoun usage
ones but
also
brings them together. Moreover
, whenever a person feels sad or worried , he or she tends to listen to the songs to relax and rejuvenate his
or herself. Correct pronoun usage
himself
Therefore
, it is widely accepted as a way of entertainment whenever they feel bored or sad.
On the other hand
, undoubtedly, music
can be considered useful for society since it creates Correct article usage
a numbers
numbers
of job opportunities. To exemplify, a single song gives birth to a variety of jobs Fix the agreement mistake
number
such
as producers, directors, singers, composer
and writers who work collaboratively to present a hit song Fix the agreement mistake
composers
for
the public. What is more, It is a fact that thousands of Change preposition
to
people
have a hobby of singing or playing a
different Correct article usage
apply
type
of musical instruments that give the opportunity to those Fix the agreement mistake
types
people
to fulfil their dreams. As a result
, when thus
Correct your spelling
they
achieved
their desired dreams, they start Wrong verb form
achieve
earing
a huge amount of money. Correct your spelling
earning
hence
, It is crystal clear that melody can be beneficial for society by creating work or accomplish
dreams.
Wrong verb form
accomplishing
To conclude
, Although
many individuals considered songs just an important mean
of entertainment, providing opportunities for different Fix the agreement mistake
means
kind
of jobs in the market, and attaining ambitions can be proven as the development of the community. Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
I
my opinion, the importance of tune for millions of Correct your spelling
In
people
cannot be neglected because it not only gives them joy but also
professions.Submitted by deepamankaur208 on
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coherence cohesion
The introduction lacks clarity and does not effectively introduce the main points. The conclusion is too abrupt and does not effectively summarize the key points.
task achievement
The response partially addresses the prompt. There is a need for more comprehensive ideas and specific examples to support the points made. Make sure to directly address both perspectives outlined in the prompt, and provide a clear opinion.