IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The average age for individuals to give birth is increasing. Some people think that it will have negative impact on family and country. What is your opinion about this?

In
this
Linking Words
 present era, pregnancy and deciding a baby
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
also
Linking Words
 become modern. In a few
people
Use synonyms
's opinions,
this
Linking Words
 will have an adverse effect on the family and society.
However
Linking Words
, in my point of view, it's totally the individual's decision to decide their child's delivery and it has no negative impact. The goals and passion towards their work may make the person decide
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
later.
Also
Linking Words
, the fear and the commitments they have to face after the birth of an infant can make
people
Use synonyms
 think
upon
Change preposition
about
show examples
 pregnancy
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a later point
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their life.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, every individual has a dream and
running
Wrong verb form
runs
show examples
 hard every day to achieve the same. Few
people
Use synonyms
 think that the kid's birth may ruin their life goals.
For instance
Linking Words
, when a woman gives childbirth and when she doesn't have much support from her family,
subsequently
Linking Words
 she will be the one who gives up her job. Rather she would have a lot of personal and professional commitments to be fulfilled, which indeed would
be collapsed
Wrong verb form
collapse
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the new responsibility.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it's good if a person fulfils their dream at least to some extent and
plan
Correct subject-verb agreement
plans
show examples
 their baby.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are frightened to decide upon delivery as there will be many responsibilities after the delivery of the toddler from medicine to studies.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
are preferring
Wrong verb form
prefer
show examples
 to get settled financially rather getting
committed
Wrong verb form
commit
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 a family zone.
For example
Linking Words
, a person from a poor background cannot afford even the medicine and the post-vaccination charges offered by some private hospitals. Next comes the luxurious schools and studies, which
fascinates
Correct subject-verb agreement
fascinate
show examples
 both parents and students, but to get into
such
Linking Words
 big schools
cost
Correct subject-verb agreement
costs
show examples
 a large amount of money.
As a result
Linking Words
, couples from
this
Linking Words
 contemporary generation have become smarter and
deciding
Wrong verb form
decide
show examples
 their babies
accordingly
Linking Words
. In conclusion, the dream towards their work and the cost of living is making the individuals anxious to decide upon a kid. As highlighted earlier, it's a decision taken between a father and a mother and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society has nothing to do or comment
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 an
individuals
Change noun form
individual's
show examples
 life.
Hence
Linking Words
, from the above statements, I claim that there is no negative impact on giving birth to a child after the average age.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to clearly state your main opinion in the introduction. This will help the reader understand your position right away.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that ties back to your overall argument. This will improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. This can make your argument stronger and more believable.
task achievement
Your paragraphs have good ideas and you discuss the issues of responsibility and financial stability well.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion nicely summarizes your opinion and reinforces your main point.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • average age
  • give birth
  • increasing
  • negative impact
  • advantages
  • challenges
  • effects
  • family
  • country
  • older parents
  • financial stability
  • maturity
  • life experience
  • health risks
  • parenting skills
  • intergenerational relationships
  • future generations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: