Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing videogames. To what extent to you agree or disagree?
There are some discussions happening that it is necessary for teenagers to participate in outdoor recreation rather than spending time with game consoles. I completely agree that engaging in a variety of activities outside is beneficial for a child as active
games
develop physical abilities and practice communication
skills.
First of all, I believe that outdoor games
provide a valuable influence on improving physical endurance, muscle strength and speed due to
diversity
of childish sports. Correct article usage
the diversity
Moreover
, there is a need for active movement such
as running, jumping and throwing the ball on the playground, as opposed to sitting in one place during a computer game. For example
, according to
one
statistics Correct pronoun usage
apply
of
The U.S. Department of Health, 1 out of 3 children in the United States is overweight or obese Change preposition
from
as a consequence
of staying at home playing video games
and don’t get enough activity, while
youngsters who spend time outdoors are 49% less prone to health problems.
Secondly
, outdoor games
in the company of peers are useful for developing communication
skills. Furthermore
, offline dialogues are incredibly important for the ability to express emotions in words and to understand the feeling
of others, since online Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
communication
is limited to short phrases and emojis and does not convey the beauty of real communication
. For instance
, according to
psychologists, adolescents who are not involved in outdoor plays in 8 out of 10 cases have difficulty building friendly relations with classmates because in
the establishment of relations Change preposition
apply
of
real life is much more complex than 2 clicks and 4 emojis online.
In conclusion, I strongly believe that participation in active Change preposition
in
games
with peers in playgrounds and parks will lead to improving socialization skills schoolchildren
, and Change preposition
for schoolchildren
also
increase physical health.Submitted by nika_korobcova on
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task achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task by strongly agreeing with the preference for outdoor activities over video games for children. However, elaborating a bit more on contrasting viewpoints could further enrich the discussion and show an ability to consider multiple perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences could be refined for better clarity and structure. For instance, revising "as active games develop physical abilities and practice communication skills" to "as active games aid in developing physical abilities and enhancing communication skills." Be cautious with certain phrasing for a smoother flow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets the stage by clearly stating the author's stance and outlining key arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with distinct paragraphs for each main idea, which aids readability and logical flow.
task achievement
Specific examples and statistics are used effectively to support the main points, enhancing the argument's credibility.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion succinctly encapsulates the essay’s main arguments, reinforcing the author's viewpoint.
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