Some people think that hard work and determination bring success. Others think other factors such as money and good appearance are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

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There are different factors that lead to success. While many oppose working hard and having a good attitude, others argue that money and look may have more effects. In my opinion, while all aspects mentioned above matter, it is clear that people need to put effort and focus on their

work

Use synonyms

to become successful. Financial support and appearance are important factors in many cases.

Firstly

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, many believe that to be successful, people need to study abroad in countries that have advanced education,

thus

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those people should be rich or have scholarships.

For example

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, in Vietnam, those who finished their education in developed countries usually get higher pay comparing to those who graduated in Vietnamese universities.

Secondly

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, many states that singers or actors need to be beautiful or handsome to be successful. They may have more fans because many people care about the look before looking at their talents or characteristics.

However

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work

Use synonyms

attitude seems to be more important in a long run.

For instance

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, those who study abroad usually have to overcome the culture barrier before being able to complete their studying.

Moreover

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, because it is more difficult to learn in another language than their mother tongue, they need to spend more time and effort studying.

On the other hand

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, artists may need to

work

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more than ten hours a day to keep up with their audiences

otherwise

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, they may be forgotten. Take Korean idols as an instance, they may only sleep for only five hours a day because they are busy with their schedules of practising and performing.

As a result

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, hard-working seems to be more important to make a person become successful and keep them on track. To conclude, while financial and look are important factors of success, determination and hard

work

Use synonyms

are the most significant aspects. In my opinion, young people should

work

Use synonyms

hard rather than realize

Verify preposition usage

apply

show examples

their look or financial supports from others.

jeannguyen.caFri Nov 20 2020

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

318 words

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Some people think that hard work and determination bring success. Others think other factors such as money and good appearance are more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Childhood obesity is an increasing problem in Australia. As many as two thirds of children are now obese. schools have a responsibility to minitor what their students eat and the amount of exercise they do. to what extent do you agree with this statement?

It is a natural process for animal species to become extinct (e.g. Dinosaurs, dodos …) There is no reason why people should try to prevent this from happening. Do you agree or disagree? [359]

Some people fail in school, but end up being successful in life. Why do you think that is the case? What is the most important thing to succeed in life?

Some people say that it is a waste of time to plan for the future and that it is more important to focus on the present. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.