IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The government and individuals are spending too much money on national celebrations like new year or festivals. Do you agree or disagree?

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Government spending and individuals
is
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are
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 often the
center
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centre
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 of criticism
in
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apply
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all over the world. Some
people
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 believe spending on
celebrations
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 is too much money. In my opinion, I disagree with
this
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 vision. Despite the huge amount of investment to make it happen, these events contribute to
the
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apply
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economical
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economic
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growth
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 and enforce
the
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a
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 sense of
community
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.
Celebrations
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fuels
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fuel
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the
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apply
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economic
growth
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. These events usually are created for thousands and even millions of
people
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 in order to they can attend and spend money. These
conmemorations
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commemorations
 involve
to provide
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providing
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 many services
aroud
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around
 the event by employing
people
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 and contributing to
the
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apply
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economic
growth
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.
For instance
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, Sydney
new year
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New Year
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 celebration
atracts
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attracts
 millions of
people
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 from several countries.
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This
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These
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 visitors pay for
fly
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flight
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 tickets, restaurants, hotels and many other services during their attendance.
Therefore
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,
Australian
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the Australian
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 economy is able to take the profit from that particular celebration regardless
how
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of how
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 much money they invested. On the other side,
celebrations
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 help to enforce
sense
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a sense
the sense
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 of
community
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.
As a result
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, humans are social animals,
the
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and the
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government
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government's
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 efforts to
conmemorate
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commemorate
community
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 events
helps
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help
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 to increase the sense of
to be
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being
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 part of a
community
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.
Thus
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,
people
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 are more engaged with the shared values of a particular group of
people
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.
For example
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, every year, Brazil invest millions of dollars to make an event to recall their ancient traditions. They dance and sign for an entire day. By doing
this
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,
people
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 feel happier and
the
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apply
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government spending
contribute
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contributes
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 to the meaning of life for many citizens. In conclusion, I disagree with the view
of
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that
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 spending on
celebrations
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 is too much. From my point of view,
conmemorations
Correct your spelling
commemorations
commemoration
 fuel the economic
growth
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 of a particular
community
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 and
also
Linking Words
 help to promote the shared values of a
community
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.

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language
Ensure consistency in tense and grammar throughout your essay to improve clarity and readability.
content
Provide more specific examples to strengthen and support your arguments.
structure
Improve sentence structure for better flow and cohesion in your paragraphs.
structure
The essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
content
Your essay clearly disagrees with the statement and successfully supports this viewpoint.
content
You effectively highlight the link between celebrations and economic growth, as well as community building.
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