IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

too much money is spent by individuals and governments on making themself and the areas they live in look beautifull. This is wasteful and it has no useful purpose. Instead, the money should be spent on improving individuals' health. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#money #individuals #governments #themself #areas #beautifull #purpose #health
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Over the
last
Linking Words
 few decades, eating healthy has become increasingly popular around
of
Verify preposition usage
apply
show examples
the world. For many people, especially elderly and adult one, the chance to avoid
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 or get a better high quality of life.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there are both pros and cons to deciding to do
this
Linking Words
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will discuss some reasons why
money
Use synonyms
 should be spent on people's health rather than investing
on
Verify preposition usage
in
show examples
 the areas where they live. Let us begin by looking at the advantages of eating well. One of the main positive of buying a good
quatily
Correct your spelling
quality
 of food is that it enhances your body. What I mean by
this
Linking Words
 is that the life
expentency
Correct your spelling
expectancy
 is going to be longer as well sedentarism and
obvesity
Correct your spelling
obesity
 may be avoided.
This
Linking Words
 can make you shrink the
likelyhood
Correct your spelling
likelihood
 of dying earlier.
Secondly
Linking Words
, spending
money
Use synonyms
 on event
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 in order to a better well being. Take elderly people
Add the comma(s)
,
show examples
for example
Linking Words
, thousand of them
attent
Correct your spelling
attend
 almost daily to these places for a range of
purpouse
Correct your spelling
purpose
purposes
such
Linking Words
 as swimming, to do yoga or generally doing working out.
In addition
Linking Words
, people may make new friends or it may be useful to find a partner. Turning to the other side of the argument, investing
money
Use synonyms
 on the areas when they tend to live may have advantages. To exemplify, there are several places which have been become famous because of their
excelent
Correct your spelling
excellent
remodelation
Correct your spelling
demodulation
 as The Red Stairs in Brazil-Rio Janeiro which were designed by the neighbourhood. All things considered,
i
Add an article
the
show examples
ntake of healthy and organic food could not be affordable. You need to weigh up the pros of spending
money
Use synonyms
 on going to event
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
,
nonetheless
Linking Words
, becoming areas where they live interesting could bring extra income to the local community. Personally, I believe the
beneficts
Correct your spelling
benefits
 in terms of improving our health eventually
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 any negatives.
Submitted by jdazav.5 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: