IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays we see an increase in social problems involving teenagers. Many people believe that it is because parents spend more time at work and less with their children. Do you agree or disagree?

Juvenile criminality has risen in the past decades
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 some people argue that it is mostly
due to
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 not looking after their children as much as they should because they are too busy with their work. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 point of view is too simplistic and
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
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 to forget other important social parameters causing young people to adopt offending behaviours. Most of the teenagers whose attitude is
being
Verb problem
apply
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considered
as
Change preposition
apply
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problematic are
issue
Check wording
apply
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from low social classes. Believing that their aggressive
comportment
Check wording
behaviour
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 is the result of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of parental supervision only allows us to reject the fault on the
parents
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
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moreover
Linking Words
, it enables us not to question the way our society works. 
Furthermore
Linking Words
, one problem those teenagers face is that everything around them leads them to believe that they are rejects. They grew up in an environment where they
have
Wrong verb form
had
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 always been told that they were not good enough; that it was for them. The issue is that their
parents
Use synonyms
 have been taught the same
their
Check wording
thing their
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 whole life, and there are very few examples of successful people around them. Asking the
parents
Use synonyms
 not to transmit those fake
belief
Fix the agreement mistake
beliefs
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 to their children would be the same as asking someone in a wheelchair to stand up and walk
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 they are just unable to do it.
Linking Words
to
Fix capitalization
To
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 conclude, being aggressive toward the rest of society is the
resultant
Replace the word
result
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 of
this
Linking Words
. Not showing respect to the rules which does not favour them, or others who do not respect
them
Punctuation problem
them,
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 is sadly the only way those teenagers have found to exist.

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structure
Plan your essay before you write. Make a short list of your main ideas and order them in a logical way.
cohesion
Use clear links to join ideas: first, however, also, in addition, for example.
grammar
Check grammar and word form. Pay attention to plural, verb tense, and prepositions.
content
Give real examples or facts to support points; make your points more believable.
style
Keep to a simple and direct style to fit the topic and limit word error.
content
The writer shows a clear view against the simple idea that only parents cause crime.
argumentation
There is an attempt to discuss social factors beyond family.
structure
Some sentences show an idea of cause and effect.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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