IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Levels of depression and antisocial behavior in children have increased dramatically in modern societies. This situation has led many people to believe that childhood itself is in crisis. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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It is believed that in the modern
world
Add a comma
world,
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 the level of kids' sadness and introverted
people
Use synonyms
 has significantly risen,
hence
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 the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 consider the beginning of
Correct article usage
the teens
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teens
Change the noun form
teen
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 crisis. I strongly disagree with
this
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 statement, because nowadays the young generation has a lot of opportunities to communicate and
also
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 no reasons for depression
due to
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 the wealth of toys they might be given.
To begin
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 with communication between
people
Use synonyms
.
It is clear that
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 today we have a powerful connection tool
such
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 as the Internet, where all generations including children might not only meet a new friend but
also
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 keep in touch with
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 peers. To illustrate, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 plenty of communities in the webspace with
people
Use synonyms
 from around the globe, who assemble to discuss
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
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,
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
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, or computer
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
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 which now
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 must have to play in.
Furthermore
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, in America, one man has created an online cinema for kids. The second
evidence
Correct quantifier usage
piece of evidence
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 is a broad choice of toys and activities.
In other words
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, we live in a peaceful, prosperous world, where each child
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 find whatever he likes
such
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 as a big radio-maintained car, a new smartphone, or even speech
able
Correct your spelling
speech-able
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 dog.
Furthermore
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, recent research shows that outdoor activities are helpful in fighting depression, owing to parents and a baby getting closer when they are spending time together playing with a new kite they've
boughten
Verb problem
bought
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. In conclusion, despite the occasional bad mood and
closed at first sight
Add a hyphen
closed-at-first-sight
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 behaviour, there is nothing to be afraid of. In my point of view, the child nowadays has all the opportunities to live happily and enjoy his life.

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task response
Ensure to address all parts of the prompt fully. Your essay somewhat addresses the question, but expanding on why childhood might not be in crisis beyond technological and material reasons could strengthen your argument.
task response
Provide more relevant and specific examples. For instance, while online communities can offer support, examples of how they contribute positively to children's mental health could be provided.
coherence cohesion
Build a clearer logical structure with distinct paragraphs for each main point and supporting evidence. This will enable better readability and understanding of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and establish your position well.
task response
You have identified two main points and attempted to support them with examples.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalence
  • societal pressures
  • academic demands
  • technological influences
  • parental neglect
  • family structures
  • mental health issues
  • economic inequality
  • community support
  • well-being
  • heightened awareness
  • improved diagnosis
  • advancements in mental health treatment
  • social support systems
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